The 'Not-So-Critical' Critic: KINGSMAN: THE GOLDEN CIRCLE

The 'Not-So-Critical' Critic: 

on KINGSMAN: THE GOLDEN CIRCLE (2017, 141 minutes, R)

The Quick of It -

To say I was skeptical of seeing this film… that would be an understatement.  The trailer did nothing to entice me in any way.  My movie ‘juices’ were not stirred.  Not even the hint of a ‘movement’.

THE GOLDEN CIRCLE is the sophomore release of this potential franchise.  It is an attempt to ride the English-ruffled coattails of the first.  KINGSMAN: THE SECRET SERVICE found an audience that probably even surprised the studio, making grossing over four-times the project’s budget.  One critical aspect of this accomplishment, there is a clear departure from the normal spy films, making for a thrilling ride with ‘classy-crass’ humor.  The formula worked.

I get it.  You want something shiny and new to offer in the second film.  Something that will get people talking… again. 

To start, this follow-up includes the same writing and director core, with director Matthew Vaughn (of KICK-ASS and X-MEN: FIRST CLASS) leading the charge.  The cast is a stable filled with proven actors and familiar faces.  Not much has changed from the outside… until you sit down to watch.  The quality of writing and the incessant need to outdo the first by making major deviations from what made the first so successful and pushing the throttle level as high as you can go is not the trick.  That is a quick way to ‘poop’ out.

Its greatest failing is adding the American cousins to the storyline.  The Kingsman is hit, obliterating the majority of their organization.  When the Americans are introduced as their emergency plan, it feels so contrived and like a pandering to the notion that Americans always need to save the day.  Not a smart move.  There was so much potential lost by making this departure, everything the audience wanted to learn more about in this installment.  As a strong example, the MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE’s beginnings.  Why would you take away the teamwork that made the TV show so great right at the start of the movie?  Why?  It took two movies to recover the franchise.  Well, taking away the Kingsman’s structure that it was built upon in the first film, its robust history that was teased, you really are left with nothing but rubble.  And, rubbish.

The first action sequence sets a tone that is never surpassed, not even by the conclusive action sequences.  ‘Piss-poor’ story development.  And then Julianne Moore as a shallow nemesis going by the name of Poppy does nothing beyond bland jokes and nostalgic references.  And her henchman are the worst excuses of knock-off Bond sub-villains.  Her intelligence and blasé attitude does nothing to make you understand how she became such a powerful drug lord.   There were so many plots holes, you could better spend your time counting the bumps on your popcorn ceiling. 

The Americans include Channing Tatum, Halle Berry, Pedro Pascal, and their leader, Jeff Bridges.  Just a bunch of fake cowboys tied to the whiskey world.  Lame… and an insult to whiskey.  The only, and I mean only, win is Bruce Greenwood as the President of the United States.  He had the right idea… sorta.  You see, Poppy’s brilliant idea is to poison her customers and hold the U.S. hostage until she is given the freedom to conduct her ‘business’ in the states.  He saw it as a win for the war on drugs.  Really couldn’t argue with that logic.

I would say ‘pass’ on this one.  Just ‘flush’ any thought of watching the ‘Golden (Toilet) Circle’ from your mind.

Grade: D+