‘Blu-ray or Bust’ - THE MUMMY

‘Blu-ray or Bust’

THE MUMMY (2017, PG-13, 111 minutes, UNIVERSAL PICTURES/DARK UNIVERSE)

Way back in 1999, Brendan Fraser starred in a reboot of Universal’s THE MUMMY. He teamed with Rachel Weisz under the confident direction of Stephen Sommers, who reimagined the source material as a fun and fantastical “Indiana Jones Meets the Evil Dead” type of affair.

Fast forward eighteen years, and Universal decides to give the old “reboot the monsters bit” another try.  With Tom Cruise.

Eww.

Don’t get me wrong—some of Cruise’s recent efforts have redeemed him a bit in my eyes, most notably in EDGE OF TOMORROW and the last few MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE films.  But here, he is just… eww.  His co-star/love-interest in this endeavor to breathe new life into the Universal Monster Universe is Annabelle Wallis (“Peaky Blinders”); nothing against her acting ability, but if you are looking for the same chemistry that ignited the 1999 effort with Fraser and Weisz, look elsewhere.  The majority of the actors here do a swell job, but the story relies too much on Cruise and Wallis having a thing for each other by the end of the film, and I ain’t buying it.

The story concerns a thief (Cruise) employed by the U.S. military who steals a map that leads to something way above his paygrade.  And, apparently, way above his I.Q.  You see, Cruise’s Nick Morton is pretty much an idiot.  He is the Costello (sorry, Lou—you are way smarter than this moron) to Wallis’s Abbott (sorry Bud, but she looks way better in a wet t-shirt); slow, clumsy, and usually has a far-away look in his eyes that is meant to portray visions or thought, but makes it look more like he is trying to remember his lines.

The film is not a complete waste; the standouts here are Wallis, and Sofia Boutella (she was the sword-legged assassin in the first KINGSMAN) as the evil Ahmanet.  But the scene stealer is Russell Crowe as Dr. Henry Jekyll—yes, THAT Jekyll, who even gets to let his Mr. Hyde out.  He is always the smartest one in the room, and, apparently, is the only one that thinks the film would be better off if Cruise’s character was pushin’ up the daisies.  And while Cruise’s usual smarmy charm is lost this time out, it is refreshing to see his typical screen presence being outshined.  It’s like someone pushed the mute button on him, and it worked for his entire body.

This film, a modern retelling of a basic idea, considers the word “update” to mean more action, less thought, and bigger set pieces.  The stunts are fine, if not a bit out of place in a monster flick, and the loss of intelligence is no big surprise (how many smart people do you usually find in a horror-ish film, anyways?).  Now, the sets… an inside look at a mad scientist’s lab?  Large and elaborately built tombs? Creepy sarcophaguses?  Yes, please!  The production design is stellar, and deserves better than a jackass stumbling about it.  Also, the score by Brian Tyler is reminiscent of the grand, epic films of those bygone eras; it, too, deserves a better spot than trying to add levity to a scene with Cruise looking like he is desperately trying to figure out if he should have trusted that last fart.

Next up for Universal’s reboot campaign (headed under the “Dark Universe” franchise name) is BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN.  Javier Bardem is attached to star, and Bill Condon (he did the surprisingly awesome remake of BEAUTY AND THE BEAST) is set to direct.  We can only hope this next installment will have a bit more heart than this one.  More heart, and a lot less CrEWWse.

Film Grade: C+

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Blu-Ray Necessary: If you must…

- T.S. Kummelman