"SKumm’s Thoughts"
X-FILES - Week X
“The X Files” (FOX, 1993, 9 Seasons)
Really, the end of last season would have been the perfect
ending to the series. But “The X-Files”
had been a cash cow for so many years, you couldn’t really blame the Fox
network for trying to milk it for another year. They would even pump out another film a few years later. But before that, there is this, the final
season of a landmark series which spawned two short-lived spin-offs and helped
solidify a science fiction fan base which would clamor for more in coming
years. This short season may not be the
worst that has ever been on network TV, but you can see where creator Chris
Carter started loosing his creative focus.
The conspiracy got too large, the characters too malleable.
SEASON 9
Episodes 1 & 2: Nothing Important Happened Today
Never has a season of this show begun in a more lackluster
fashion. Totally ignoring the fast pace
and explosive momentum of the near genius final episodes of season eight, this
one starts off days after that finale.
And once again, the X-Files is in danger of being closed for good. The absence of Duchovny is an obvious
distraction; his name is said so many times in these two episodes, you wonder
how the characters don’t start rolling their eyes every time they have to say
it. There are plot holes aplenty in the
ever-widening super-soldier conspiracy, and guest star Lucy Lawless plays one
such indestructible minion of doom, and she knows what’s wrong with Scully’s
baby. Besides the fact that, you know,
IT WAS MADE IN A FREAKING ALIEN TEST TUBE.
And Doggett gets manhandled, which seems to be an unfortunate habit for
poor Robert Patrick. (Digital Drawback:
there’s no way in hell you are running from the bridge of giant tanker to the
bowels of the ship and into the secret lab, mention three times that the ship
is going to blow up, and then back out again, and then off of the soon to be
exploding ship in under two minutes.
Uh-uh, no way.)
Episode 3: Daemonicus (The One With James Remar)
A nutty professor (Remar) with a Hannibal Lector complex
runs the agents ragged from murder scene to murder scene. More plot holes, some not as glaring as in
the first two episodes, and Doggett gets his butt kicked again. Okay, actually he gets a never ending stream
of plasma-vomit sprayed all over him.
And Scully gets her butt kicked.
And someone mentions Mulder’s name AGAIN. (Digital Drawback: nice imagery with the clouds, bad animation
with the truck—that’s not a dust cloud behind it, that’s a dust bubble. Ain’t never seen no dust bubble before…)
Episode 4: 4-D
A decent episode about a killer with the ability to travel
to other dimensions, which is totally ruined by an ending that doesn’t
fit. Played by the enigmatic Dylan
Haggerty, who nails his character’s madness with an omnipotent and knowing
glee, Lukesh proves a nearly fatal foe for both agents… depending on what side
of the universe you are on… (Digital
Drawback: that ending… it’s a show about interdimensional travel, not time
travel. Freakin’ dummies.)
Episode 5: Lord of the Flies (The One With Jane Lynch)
Carter and Company attempt to recreate the humorous episodes
of prior seasons, and fail. There are
some moments which are indeed funny, but overall, this episode about a boy that
can control insects falls flat. Not
even Lynch can save it—mainly because she has no funny lines here. (Digital Drawback: fake bugs... really
obvious fake bugs.)
Episodes 6: Trust No 1
Perhaps the most poignant and beautiful of soliloquies
starts off this episode, which delves deeper into the super soldier crap. Only you have to wait until the very end for
anything new to occur. And apparently,
this is the season where the good guys are all flipping idiots. (Digital Drawback: slow motion action
scene—egads.)
Episodes 9 & 10: Provenance/Providence
The stupidest representation of a cult ever placed on
television digs up an alien spacecraft.
Scully’s baby gets kidnapped, and Dogget gets the crap beat out
him. I feel like we should be keeping
score. (Digital Drawback: they must
have been running out of money for the special effects department, ‘cause that
flying spacecraft looks kinda stupid.)
Episode 13: Improbable (The One With Burt Reynolds)
Best episode of the season, made so by Burt himself. His performance here is humorous and
fitting. If you haven’t figured out who
he is by the end of the show, message me, and I’ll try my best not to make you
feel like a dummy… (Digital Drawback:
the unnecessary musical number at the end does not work half as well as the
musical number with Burt and the cards…)
Episode 15: Jump the Shark
The Lone Gunmen make a final and mortal appearance. They are trying to stop the release of a
deadly airborne virus which is being carried by a creepy guy. And the ending isn’t quite as fitting as
you’d hope for.
Episode 16: William
The fate of Scully’s baby is decided, and you get the
feeling that loose ends are being tied up, whether you like the outcomes or
not. A dude from the past that got his
face shot off is back, supposedly on orders from the still missing Mulder. And,
just in case you thought Doggett would get a week off, WRONG, he gets his ass
kicked. AGAIN.
Episode 19: The Truth Parts I & II
The series finale finds Mulder back, and on trial for
killing a super soldier. And Doggett
gets abused again. Almost a fitting end
to such a defining series, but it leaves the biggest question unresolved. All players, dead and alive, are on hand for
the end game that isn’t an ending so much as it is a game. We even get an exact date on when the aliens
are supposed to invade, which leads us to…
THE X FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE (2008, PG-13, 104 minutes)
At no point is the date for the invasion discussed in this,
the second and final theatrical film.
The movie plays out like a long episode of the show, more of a thank you
to fans than it is a continuation or resolution to the alien conspiracy which
drove the show for so long. A pedophile
priest has visions of a case involving a missing federal agent, and Mulder and
Scully are brought in to consult. From
there, the movie does nothing to compliment the mythos. The story is good, but if you are looking
for resolution, this ain’t it. Perhaps
that will come with the revival, which begins airing on January 24th.
Until then, remember: The Truth Is Out There.
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