"Monstrosities and Horrifying Pandering: What You’re Missing on NETFLIX"

"Monstrosities and Horrifying Pandering: What You’re Missing on NETFLIX"

This is the only Netflix review you get this month, kiddies, but it should be enough to keep you busy through Halloween.  The suggestion comes from my OLD college buddy Dave, who wanted horror films from across the pond.  Unfortunately, Netflix, just in time for Halloween, removed some of the best ones.  Several that were available last year are gone, but for some reason they kept some truly crappy ones up.  Lucky for you, there’s me to help weed out the turds.  And if you see a few here that I’ve suggested before, there is a reason for that: BECAUSE THEY ARE REALLY FRIGGIN' GOOD... and because they are better than most of the crap that is available.  Happy Samhain, everybody!

New Arrivals

Horror/United States

EXETER

(2015, R, 91 minutes, VICARIOUS ENTERTAINMENT)

This entertaining possession-fest is a wonderful mix of horror tropes that works so well, you wonder why it wasn’t better received by audiences.  A mashup of exorcism, slasher, haunted house, and black comedy, this movie takes the high road by mixing traditional scares, gore, and damn good effects.  The acting is excellent all around, and the cinematography by Eric Treml knows when to accentuate the gore and when to give us a little breathing room.  This is the best example of a haunted sanitarium you’ll find on Netflix.  Basically, a group of teens get trapped in an abandoned mental hospital.  Things turn nasty when one of them gets possessed, and from there this movie goes in directions you would never expect.  

Demonic Horror/Spain

ASMODEXIA

(2014, NR—probably “R”, 81 minutes, MS ENTERTAINMENT)

Don’t let that run-time fool you—this slight and wicked little number about a priest and his granddaughter performing exorcisms throughout Barcelona is a nifty take on the demonic possession genre.  That’s the only synopsis I’ll give; anything more would ruin the surprises.  The only irritating thing about this on Netflix is that the Netflix Bozo In Charge presents this in closed captioning.  Yes, you can read the subtitles just fine, but the descriptive service also tells you every time a boom happens.  Or if there is ominous music playing.  So just read the screen when someone speaks.  But I wouldn’t even be mentioning the film if it wasn’t worth having to suffer through “soft piano music” appearing on my screen…  And that cinematography, some of the shots are gorgeously executed.  Beautiful and creepy.  Just like me!

Horror/Fantasy/Norway

THALE

(2012, NR—probably a hard “R”, 76 minutes, FILM FUND FUZZ)

A bit of Norwegian folklore comes to life in the atmospheric THALE, a tale about a gorgeous young woman…WITH A TAIL.  The beautiful Silje Reinåmo plays the not-so-innocent “Thale”, who may actually be a huldra, the Norwegian name for a female spirit of the forest.  Two crime scene scrubbers come across her in an underground bunker, and the rest of the story is one you have to watch.  More fantasy than it is horror in definition, it is the things done to Thale, and how she exacts her vengeance, which present the true horror here.  Very atmospheric, alluring, and haunting, this one just barely beats out TROLL HUNTER (PG-13, 103 minutes, also available on Netflix, hint-hint-hint) as my favorite Norwegian fantasy film.  But what about Norwegian horror?  Patience, Grasshoppers…

Vampire Horror/Iran

A GIRL WALKS HOME ALONE AT NIGHT

(2014, NR—hard “R”, 101 minutes, SPECTRE VISION)

This black and white Iranian film is a wonderful, gruesome, moody, and beautiful little story about love, drugs, a vampire, and the world’s greatest cat.  The vampire is played by the arresting Sheila Vand, who starts falling for “Arash”, a teenager caught up in thievery to support his father’s drug habit.  “The Girl” is as much an innocent as Arash is when it comes to affairs of the heart, and it is their love that drives this film forward.  Pay attention to the cinematography, which is solely responsible for the film’s noir-ish vibe.

Vampire Horror/United Kingdom

BYZANTIUM

(2012, R, 118 minutes, DEMAREST FILMS)

Neil Jordan’s latest film is about a female vampiric duo, living life like grifters.  They move from place to place, staying just long enough for some evil corporate vampire types to catch up with them.  Settling down at a seaside town in Ireland, the younger of the two falls in love with a boy.  The older of the two opens a brothel.  This is a well written tale of redemption, love, and how not even a blood-sucking dead person can escape their past.  Great acting with some genuinely tense (and funny) moments.

T.S. Kummelman