Tuesday, July 28, 2015

“Big Hair and Phones With Cords: The Old Stuff You’re Missing on NETFLIX”

“Big Hair and Phones With Cords: The Old Stuff You’re Missing on NETFLIX”

This week’s theme is courtesy of one of the Faithful Thirteen: I was challenged to review the best films from different era’s available for streaming. And what other time to pick than when the world was so uncertain, when the future hung in the balance, and when we were faced with that most indomitable and confusing period of our lives: puberty. That’s right, I’m talking about the 1980’s, when I graduated from high school, started working, got a car, finally got a girlfriend, and realized that girls were most definitely not as easy to acquire as they were onscreen (and was anyone in my high school really surprised that my one and only girlfriend looked a lot like Linda Hamilton? Seriously?). So I present to you the best of that era available to stream. To quote Marty DiBergi, “Let’s boogie!”


Family/Kids/Adventure

PEE WEE’S BIG ADVENTURE
(1985, PG, 91 minutes, WARNER BROTHERS)


This is the film that introduced director Tim Burton to the world. I recently re-watched this tear-inducing comedy classic with my niece and nephew, ages 3 and 7, respectively. The fact that it captivated them as much as it still captivates me says much for a film that not only stands the test of time, but does so with a childlike glee that borders on insanity. A quick synopsis for anyone that has never seen it: some nefarious character has stolen Pee Wee’s (Paul Rubens, making iconic his character that he developed as a member of the comedy troupe “The Groundlings”) bike, and what follows is his journey across the U.S. to reclaim his most prized possession. There are more quotes and references from this film that you see in everyday life, be it from friends or other forms of media, than most other films. Just be sure that next time you stop off for a bite at a local truck stop, tell ‘em, “Large Marge sent ya.” And can someone please tell Amazing Larry to keep it down…

Sci Fi/Action

THE TERMINATOR
(1984, R, 107 minutes, ORION PICTURES)



Speaking of overly quoted films, James Cameron’s classic story of a soldier sent back in time to rescue the mother of a revolutionary from the clutches of a cyborg sent back in time to kill her still resonates to this day. Shot guerilla style in the night-time streets of Los Angeles, and made for only a little more money than PEE WEE, this is the one which breathed new life into the action scene. By combining elements of several genres, and leaning on the teachings of legendary director Roger Corman, college physics major Cameron was able to make you buy into the whole time travel bit with no questions asked. This was a time when practical effects were in their heyday, and some of the sequences he filmed are not just effective, they are beautifully rendered and brilliant in execution. I know you’ve already seen it, but go watch it again. Even the bathroom scene, when the Terminator looks the fakest, is awesome. It’s Arnold, and he kicks ass.

Horror

There were so many good horror films from the 80’s, and my two favorites are not available to stream: John Carpenter’s THE THING and John Landis’s AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON. But the best available I would have to rank as an almost-tie. Hold on, let me try and work this out: A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET was iconic, bloody, and allowed Wes Craven into our brains. He made a household name of ‘Freddy Krueger’, and created so many disturbing effects and sequences that it had audiences on edge. Forget all of the sequels—there were a few good ones, but the first is still the best. And then there was THE LOST BOYS, released at a time when snark and horror seemed to breed unhindered across the film screen and the straight-to-video market. This Joel Schumacher classic combined teens, humor, and horror into an unthinkable R-rated gem. Featuring Corey Haim and Corey Feldman, he yanked popular matinee idols of the PG-13 realm and thrust them into an adult-ish realm of cool bloodsuckers that sparkled, yet had a decidedly evil undertone.

But, the best available to stream?

H.P. LOVECRAFT’S RE-ANIMATOR
(1985, UR, 85 minutes)


Director Stuart Gordon not only brilliantly paid homage to the source material he modernized it. He made a classic horror film reminiscent of the haunted house and mad scientist films of previous decades and threw in a good-sized helping of gore, camp, psychological horror, and outright outlandishness (head-in-the-tray scene, anyone?...). And while it did spur two inferior sequels, this is the finest example of the period: gore, humor, a great cast and crew whom took their jobs very seriously, and Barbara Crampton’s boobs.

Comedy: A Tie

Comedy/Musical

THIS IS SPINAL TAP
(1984, R, 82 minutes, EMBASSY PICTURES)


This proved another tough genre to choose from. There are a surprising number of great comedies from the ‘80’s on Netflix. Classics like MR. MOM, THE BLUES BROTHERS, and 48 HRS(*) are all fine examples of the comedies being produced by an industry over-laden with its share of films that weren’t nearly as good (meaning anything with Shelly Long and/or Whoopi Goldberg). Yet rising from comedic obscurity like an evil, midget phoenix with serious mental issues was the fictional band ‘Spinal Tap’. This mockumentary takes itself so seriously that even the lyrics to the music (sung and played by the stars themselves) are hysterical. Writer/director/actor Rob Reiner, together with some of the funniest comedic actors of the time, crafted the sharpest, wittiest parody of rock-and-roll you will ever see. With lines like “you can’t really dust for vomit” and “we’ve got armadillos in our pants”, this film really couldn’t lose. And the cameo’s…see if you can spot Billy Crystal, Paul Shaffer, and Bruno Kirby…but speaking of lines and comedians…

Comedy/Action

BEVERLY HILLS COP
(1984, R, 105 minutes, PARAMOUNT PICTURES)



…Eddie Murphy’s first starring role was such a commercial success, he seemed to skyrocket from his gig on Saturday Night Live to charismatic movie star overnight. However, 48 HRS had the distinction of also being one of the most racist films of the eighties. You wonder at how Murphy was able to tolerate the blatant derogatory nature for most of co-star Nick Nolte’s lines—hell, Nolte’s character “Jack” had an apology for Murphy’s “Reggie”, and even THAT was racist! While 48 is an important film only because of its horrendous treatment of Murphy’s obvious talent, and his ability to outshine it, his more iconic role of the ‘80’s was as detective Axel Foley in COP. The role cemented his status in Hollywood in a unique way—not only was he genuinely funny, he made a great action star. With 48 HOURS, his sharp wit, impeccable timing, and willingness to suffer every Hollywood stereotype that was thrown at him sent a wake-up call to Hollywood. But with COP, he showed that a talented black man could indeed carry a film, and should be trusted to do so. Pairing him with two not-so-intelligent partners made this the first of several films, which pushed the odd-couple dynamic into action film history (see: RUNNING SCARED, MIDNIGHT RUN, LETHAL WEAPON—all films of the 80’s, all capitalizing on this film’s success). But it also relied on the best attributes of each star, which made this film, at its heart, a hard-hitting comedy. It was also the first of his films that cast him as a regular guy, and not just as a black guy. This could be the best, and most important, comedy (if not the birth of a comedian) of the 1980’s.

Make up a queue kids and put me to work! Suggestions are always welcome, and your objective is to try and stump me—come up with the weirdest sounding queue you can think of! I double dog dare you!

T.S. Kummelman

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