The 'Not-So-Critical' Critic: A QUIET PLACE

The 'Not-So-Critical' Critic: 

on A QUIET PLACE (2018, 90 minutes, PG-13)

The Quick of It -

For horror-monster films, A QUIET PLACE ranks up there.  Could also sell this as another Cloverfield installment.

This film engages the senses at the highest level.  There is no holding back.  Yes, they incorporate ‘jump scares’, you are warned.  But it is not excessive and are well-timed.  Don’t look at me like that, I can admit I jumped once… maybe twice.  Leave my Man Card alone.  The attention to detail orchestrated by those behind the camera is on display in every scene.  The focus on the simpler sounds, the artistically chosen shots, and the tension that comes from building up particular situations keeps you on the edge of your seat.

The story centers on an isolated family living on a farm who are trapped in a world now frightened to make a noise.  Large creatures have appeared all over the globe and are pure killing machines.  They are blind but have a highly evolved way of hearing.  Oh, and they happen to be heavily armored.  The father, played by John Krasinski (better known as Jim Halpert from ‘The Office’, who also happened to direct this little piece, does a stupendous job of both setting the tone while selling it in his emotionally charged character.  This is just as much a drama as a surreal horror flick.  Who better to pair him with than Emily Blunt, an unquestionably talented actress.  The casting of the kids shows Krasinski required a careful process, as demonstrated by only hiring the young, deaf actress Millicent Simmonds to play his deaf daughter.  Everyone contributes to make this family relatable.  And with a patient screenplay to give just enough time spent with this family, you become fully invested in their survival. 

The creature effects are fantastic.  You get everything you want.  First, the quick glimpses.  Then, a display of their destructive nature.  And finally, you get everything.  So much so, it becomes a frightful nightmare, hoping the family can live through the madness found in not making a sound.

Unfortunately, I did have some problems.  You must suspend a lot of common sense questions that immediately poke holes into the story.  I tell you now, just ignore that little voice in the back of your head so you can get the full experience first.  It is worth it.  Then walk out and ask all the questions you want.  That is why I’ll end this review early, as a way to show I will remain ‘quiet’ on the matter…

Grade: B+

‘Blu-ray or Bust’ - INSIDIOUS: THE LAST KEY

‘Blu-ray or Bust’

INSIDIOUS: THE LAST KEY (2018, PG-13, 103 Minutes, BLUMHOUSE PRODUCTIONS/SONY)

Perhaps, this time, it’s my fault.

You see, I only watched the first two INSIDIOUS films; it was not that I didn’t enjoy them, as I found the first entry to be a rather refreshing, if not downright spooky, tale.  It was effective, had a great cast, and the scares felt original.  The second one… eh.  It was okay.  Creepy violin.  Kind of spooky.  When the third came out, I pretty much ignored it, as other James Wan productions seemed mere copycats of his first few scary entries in the horror genre (which includes SAW and THE CONJURING).  All of the other films (THE CONJURING 2, ANNABELLE, and every stinkin’ SAW sequel) involved the same set-ups, the same types of scares, the same story construction.

I didn’t really have high hopes for THE LAST KEY, and I was still disappointed.  The only standout performance is from series mainstay Lin Shaye, who continues the role of psychic Elise Rainier.  Her devotion to the role is commendable, but even so, she looks tired here, as if she is consciously thinking “dear Sweet Baby Hey-Zeus, I signed up for this AGAIN?!?”.  Also returning are Leigh Whannell and Angus Sampson as her bumbling assistants.  They do absolutely nothing to cement their necessity in any further adventures; if anything, Sampson’s “Tucker” comes off as “creepy dude with mullet”, and Whannell (who also wrote all of the INSIDIOUS films) comes across as a time filler.  Neither are bad actors, but their roles are just plain silly.  They were effective in the first entry, but now they are comic relief that isn’t even remotely funny.

This entry of the franchise involves Elise having to travel back to her childhood home to confront the horrors that she had to suffer through then.  Only this time, predictability leads the way.  It’s films like this that turn original ideas into cash grabs; very few horror franchises seem to ever try to offer up anything different, and the repeated ideas and cheap scare tactics turn them into droll rehashes that tend to negate whatever effect the original film had.  And that really is a shame.  The first INSIDIOUS was (sorry to repeat myself) great; the first SAW film was great; THE CONJURING, HELLRAISER, PARANORMAL ACTIVITY, HALLOWEEN—all started off as genre-busting frightmares that were wholly original and terribly unapologetic in their manipulation of the viewer’s senses.  They were wonderful, and then the studio decided to make sequel after sequel after stupid freaking sequel.

So this time around, if you haven’t figured out the ending before the movie slowly rumbles its way there, then you haven’t been paying attention to every better horror film that preceded this bucket of regurgitated monkey poo.  And don’t think we are safe from any more of those buckets, either; Wan is producing another CONJURING film, and an offshoot of the “crooked man” from THE CONJURING 2.  Also, he is working on THE NUN—yet another offshoot of that decrepit sequel.  Mark my words—there will probably be a standalone film about the villain from THE LAST KEY, as well.  I can tell, because they gave him a name in the credits, and the name is stupid, kids, unabashedly stupid.

“KeyFace”.

Seriously.

Why, you ask, is that name stupid (besides the obvious)?  Because the keys were ON HIS FRICKING FINGERS.

Suddenly, it seems that the people that were coming up with those original ideas have all decided to continue their mental vacations, because—for some inane reason—people keep buying movie tickets so they can see what is in those proverbial buckets.  (IT’S REGURGITATED MONKEY POO, PEOPLE!!) (FREAKIN’ SPOILER ALERT)

Film Grade: D

Special Features: Seriously?!?

Blu-ray Necessary: Oh hell no!

-- T.S.Kummelman

“SKumm’s Thoughts” - RED SPARROW

“SKumm’s Thoughts”

RED SPARROW (2018, R, 140 minutes, CHERNIN ENTERTAINMENT/20^TH CENTURY FOX)

I am a big fan of Jennifer Lawrence, despite her attempts to thwart me.  I’m referring mostly to all that HUNGER GAMES crap; it wasn’t that she was horrible, so much as the films were (okay, the two that I saw…).

Since her Oscar winning turn as a mentally troubled widow in THE SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK, a part of me has wished only the best for her.  She so perfectly captured a tender vulnerability behind a crass exterior that she entranced me—not to the point where she needs to get a restraining order or anything, but still… she was awesome.

With RED SPARROW, I fear that her need to stretch herself in her craft could be detrimental to my emphatic belief that she is my soulmate.  Again, she isn’t bad in the film—it just never feels like it gets off the ground, and that her character doesn’t really progress all that much.  Ms. Lawrence plays Russian ballerina Dominika Egorova, who is coerced into working for her uncle after a tragic accident onstage.  The uncle happens to work for the government, and what he wishes for his demure niece is for her to become a sex spy.  Seriously.  So he sends her to Russian Spy Sex Camp.  Where she is trained to remove off her clothing and other important Sex Spy stuff.

SERIOUSLY.

I’m sure that the script by Justin Haythe was better than the finished product.  After all, the man did write the script for THE LONE RANGER…(see: sarcasm)  I’m sure that most of the blame can be laid upon the music video shoulders of director Francis Lawrence—the man responsible for three of the HUNGER GAMES films.  It is the screenwriter’s job to lay out a compelling story, and it is the director’s job to interpret that tale for the big screen.  But there are too many problems here, much that weighs down the film.  There is an oppressiveness which hangs over the proceedings, and it isn’t easy to ignore.

First off: the lack of Russian actors.  There are some, but they are not cast in key roles.  While it is great to see Jeremy Irons (DEAD RINGERS, BATMAN V SUPERMAN) still chewing scenery, and Joely Richardson still getting work, the fact that they are both cast as Russians brings to mind the “Hollywood whitewashing” scandal of Ridley Scott’s Egyptian epic EXODUS.  Were there no actors that wouldn’t have to try so hard at nailing a convincing accent available from that country?  Lately, that seems to be the answer to every casting director’s dilemma: hire British, Irish, or Danish actors/actresses to play the role of any type of foreigner.  Even Ms. Lawrence seems to have issues maintaining the accent, and there are too many fingers to point to lay it all upon the actor.

Another problem is character development, in that there isn’t any.  Dominika loses the deer-in-the-headlights look after fifteen minutes of screen time; after that, she becomes demure, stoic, sexy—all attributes she had as a ballerina, but there are little or no correlations to string the two together.  Not necessarily Ms. Lawrence’s fault, as she has to work with whatever is given her.  Unfortunately, that includes her first nude scene in her cinematic career, and while I certainly do appreciate it, I feel it is a wasted effort, one which would have served her better in a more poignant or meaningful film.  The display is used as shock value, but it also isn’t necessary (says the guy secretly wishing he could bear her children…). 

And yet another problem is the pacing; even after the credits were done rolling, I was still waiting for the film to actually start—to move me, to pick up a pace other than a decent spy novel that you could put down at any time and pick back up on it a week later, not having lost any of the momentum yet still curious to see how things panned out.  There just never seems to be a moment when the film moves into high gear.

The last issue I will bother pointing out is possibly the most glaring: everyone in the film seems to know that everyone else is a spy.  There are no secrets here.  The fact that Dominika is given a new identity that is found out five minutes after she is given it is a waste of the viewer’s time.  Is the subplot really all that necessary if it is debunked by the “enemy” three scenes later?

There are four redeeming qualities here: Haythe’s writing on occasion is fluid enough to make you feel like the story is going somewhere (even if it doesn’t), and the score by James Newton Howard (FANTASTIC BEASTS AND WHERE TO FIND THEM, NIGHTCRAWLER) is effective and emotional.  The other two things?  Already mentioned three paragraphs ago…look, I’m old, not dead.

What this all amounts to—look, I’m about to say something here that I never thought I would ever have to write or say aloud during my entire life.  It pains me to think these words, let alone commit them to paper (or on the internet, where the words will live forever, haunting me way past my death, at which point those words will be haunting my children).

But say them I must, and if I ever have to say them again, I may have to give up on these mediocre reviews I write every week.

Ahem.

This was a waste of boobies.

           

Grade: C-

-- T.S. Kummelman