‘Blu-ray or Bust’
INSIDIOUS: THE LAST KEY (2018, PG-13, 103 Minutes, BLUMHOUSE PRODUCTIONS/SONY)
Perhaps, this time, it’s my fault.
You see, I only watched the first two INSIDIOUS films; it was not that I
didn’t enjoy them, as I found the first entry to be a rather refreshing, if not
downright spooky, tale. It was
effective, had a great cast, and the scares felt original. The second one… eh. It was okay.
Creepy violin. Kind of
spooky. When the third came out, I
pretty much ignored it, as other James Wan productions seemed mere copycats of
his first few scary entries in the horror genre (which includes SAW and THE
CONJURING). All of the other films (THE
CONJURING 2, ANNABELLE, and every stinkin’ SAW sequel) involved the same
set-ups, the same types of scares, the same story construction.
I didn’t really have high hopes for THE LAST KEY, and I was still
disappointed. The only standout
performance is from series mainstay Lin Shaye, who continues the role of
psychic Elise Rainier. Her devotion to
the role is commendable, but even so, she looks tired here, as if she is
consciously thinking “dear Sweet Baby Hey-Zeus, I signed up for this AGAIN?!?”. Also returning are Leigh Whannell and Angus
Sampson as her bumbling assistants. They
do absolutely nothing to cement their necessity in any further adventures; if
anything, Sampson’s “Tucker” comes off as “creepy dude with mullet”, and
Whannell (who also wrote all of the INSIDIOUS films) comes across as a time
filler. Neither are bad actors, but
their roles are just plain silly. They
were effective in the first entry, but now they are comic relief that isn’t even
remotely funny.
This entry of the franchise involves Elise having to travel back to her
childhood home to confront the horrors that she had to suffer through
then. Only this time, predictability
leads the way. It’s films like this that
turn original ideas into cash grabs; very few horror franchises seem to ever
try to offer up anything different, and the repeated ideas and cheap scare
tactics turn them into droll rehashes that tend to negate whatever effect the
original film had. And that really is a
shame. The first INSIDIOUS was (sorry to
repeat myself) great; the first SAW film was great; THE CONJURING, HELLRAISER,
PARANORMAL ACTIVITY, HALLOWEEN—all started off as genre-busting frightmares
that were wholly original and terribly unapologetic in their manipulation of
the viewer’s senses. They were
wonderful, and then the studio decided to make sequel after sequel after stupid
freaking sequel.
So this time around, if you haven’t figured out the ending before the movie
slowly rumbles its way there, then you haven’t been paying attention to every
better horror film that preceded this bucket of regurgitated monkey poo. And don’t think we are safe from any more of
those buckets, either; Wan is producing another CONJURING film, and an offshoot
of the “crooked man” from THE CONJURING 2. Also, he is working on THE NUN—yet another
offshoot of that decrepit sequel. Mark
my words—there will probably be a standalone film about the villain from THE
LAST KEY, as well. I can tell, because
they gave him a name in the credits, and the name is stupid, kids, unabashedly
stupid.
“KeyFace”.
Seriously.
Why, you ask, is that name stupid (besides the obvious)? Because the keys were ON HIS FRICKING
FINGERS.
Suddenly, it seems that the people that were coming up with those original
ideas have all decided to continue their mental vacations, because—for some
inane reason—people keep buying movie tickets so they can see what is in those
proverbial buckets. (IT’S REGURGITATED
MONKEY POO, PEOPLE!!) (FREAKIN’ SPOILER ALERT)
Film Grade: D
Special Features: Seriously?!?
Blu-ray Necessary: Oh hell no!
-- T.S.Kummelman
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