The 'Not-So-Critical' Critic: THE LAST WITCH HUNTER

The 'Not-So-Critical' Critic:  

on THE LAST WITCH HUNTER (2015, 106 minutes, PG-13)

The Quick of It -

Vin Diesel is a gamer, and he has proved it here.  THE LAST WITCH HUNTER is at its core an adventure of epic proportions.  Because of that, we all know critics will hate on this film to the end of their days, and he still went through with the project.  It is true, this is a flavor film, so a limited audience will appreciate the time and detail that was put into this story.  The imagery and pageantry of the 'witch world' made this a great watch for me.  Director Breck Eisner (of THE CRAZIES and SAHARA) should be credited with making a heavily CGIed film that doesn't stumble with its human interaction.  The only problems I found (other than being marketable to a small audience) were spots of bad dialogue and being a commonly used plot thread.  The film was reminiscent of CONSTANTINE with Keanu Reeves.  So, if you liked that one, this will be a must see and screw the critics... oh, wait...

Grade: B+

The 'Not-So-Critical' Critic: THE GIFT

The 'Not-So-Critical' Critic: 

on THE GIFT (2015, 108 minutes, R)

The Quick of It -

This little thriller will make you think twice when being... ahem... inconsiderate of someone's feelings.  A young married couple becomes the target of revenge by an old school acquaintance of the husband's.  I believe this movie will attract all the Jason Bateman haters out there.  I, for one, am not but it makes me think of all the ones who have expressed their opinions on his acting skills over the years.  He plays a real *** **** and is served a very cold dish.  The central plot is a great warning of what could happen to a bully who went too far.  The tension is real as you see the story unfold, keeping you on the edge of your seat until the final reveal.  THE GIFT fits well in this themed genre and carries a sense 'this could happen to you', because we "know" people like that.

Grade: B-

The 'Not-So-Critical' Critic: CRIMSON PEAK

The 'Not-So-Critical' Critic: 

on CRIMSON PEAK (2015, 119 minutes, R)

The Quick of It -

When Guillermo del Toro has a vision, embrace what is to come.  I don't say that to mean you should have high expectations, more that he will treat you to something that you would not expect nor have experienced without his bizarre imagination.  I believe one of the proper ways to describe this film is like a scene used in the movie; when Tom Hiddleston's character, Thomas Sharpe, shows his American audience at a social gathering how to waltz the British way - fast and deliberate while having the finesse in movement to not snuff out the candle being held by the dance partners.  CRIMSON PEAK follows the same formula.  It holds no real surprises as the story is told.  Even when the information given seems vague, there are no great leaps to guess what is transpiring.  This is quite apparent since it starts out by stating 'ghosts are real' and continues along this course until the final scene.  What sells this film is the intricate storytelling, the striking costume design, and the elegant and elaborate settings.  Mr. del Toro, please continue to twist our reality.

Grade: B+

The 'Not-So-Critical' Critic: THE GALLOWS

The 'Not-So-Critical' Critic: 

on THE GALLOWS (2015, 81 minutes, R)

The Quick of It -

This movie represents both an achievement for newbie filmmakers while a cautionary tale of lost chances to create a dark film that pushes the envelope.  THE GALLOWS is about a high school drama club performing a play titled 'The Gallows' 20 years after the original performance, which was disrupted with a tragic death ... of course.  Warning for some, this is a 'found footage' film.  I know how some people immediately write-off this style of storytelling.  The writer / director pairing of noobs Travis Cluff and Chris Lofing wants to create a new slasher-type in 'Charlie' and includes the elements to build on the mythos.  The film has its moments and shows glimpses of horror 'magic'.  But, in the end, this one will sit among the many titles that are good for one watch. 

Grade: C-

The 'Not-So-Critical' Critic: SICARIO

The 'Not-So-Critical' Critic: 

on SICARIO (2015, 121 minutes, R)

The Quick of It -

Director Denis Villeneuve just might be making some waves before his possible involvement in the upcoming BLADE RUNNER project.  SICARIO is an intense action-thriller centering on the 'War Against Drugs'... or sorta.  I would say more about the plot but I think it would be better to experience it for yourself.  The bigger surprise to me is the writer behind the project, Taylor Sheridan.  You might recognize, but doubtful, the name as the deputy chief from 'Sons of Anarchy', Deputy Chief David Hale.  Sheridan did have one hiccup that didn't making sense and probably should have been corrected to make the story more realistic, but hey... whatever.  His crafting of the story with an acute sense of plot building and Villeneuve's incorporation of visual tension through the use of intermittent shots showing motion within stillness, or the reverse, made this film work far beyond the typical 'drug raid' extravaganza.  Another nifty set of shots was the idea of individuals being introduced into the story as almost faceless apparitions, the concept that there are people out there like these representations but you only hear about them.  The muddled reflections in glass, the silhouette with back turned, or blocked angled shots to the speaker added to the continued theme of being in the dark on what exactly is happening to our FBI agent, Kate Macer (Emily Blunt), while holding on to this rollercoaster ride of bullets and blow.  Each character in the film, large and small, came to life with great acting, and a chance to show their talent within intense exchanges and awkward situations.  Josh Brolin may have been at the forefront but it was Benicio Del Toro who ends up stealing the show by the closing credits.  For a movie that falls into a flooded genre, it stands out as one of the must sees.

Grade: A-

'Blu-ray or Bust' - ME AND EARL AND THE DYING GIRL

'Blu-ray or Bust'

ME AND EARL AND THE DYING GIRL (2015, PG-13, 105 minutes, FOX SEARCHLIGHT)

Each time I sit down to watch a film aimed at a teen market, I cringe a little inside.

Okay, if you were to see me during one of those “cringes”, you’d think my face was having a seizure.  I know, I know, that’s kinda how I normally look anyways.  But consider what teen movies have subjected us to for the last several years: from the sparkly, heart-throb vampires of the stupid TWILIGHT series, to the inanity of THE HUNGER GAMES, there hasn’t been a whole lot of promising films.

And then last year, suddenly, there came a little film called THE FAULT IN OUR STARS.  It proved to young audiences that you didn’t have to have a love triangle between a vampire, a werewolf, and a horny yet expressionless female human to appreciate a (good) story.

Now comes ME AND EARL, hoping to expand into the heartstring tugging genre created by that excellent film.  And while EARL isn’t a classic, it is a decent addition to the genre I like to call “Non-Sparkling Teen Drama”.  (The one with the sparkly vampires I like to call “Sparkling Teen Drama”—STD for short.  Yeah, I went there.)

The performances of the three leads is surprisingly fresh.  There is an especially noteworthy scene between Greg (Thomas Mann, PROJECT X and FUN SIZE) and Rachel (Olivia Cooke, “Bates Motel” and THE SIGNAL).  The truest and most resplendent form of acting is never more present than it is when two actors communicate freely and effectively in a long take.  It screams of talent and appreciation of the craft, and these young actors pull it off splendidly.  Even Earl, played by the subtly awesome RJ Cyler in only his second onscreen role, does wonderful work here.  These are three enigmatic characters that you do not want to forget.

Mann is indeed a wonder to behold as a teenager who strikes up a friendship with Rachel at his mother’s (the always dependable Connie Britton) insistence.  It seems that Rachel has leukemia, and could use a good friend at the moment.  Greg and Earl are amateur filmmakers, and are soon asked to make a movie for the girl.  What follows is a tale about friendship, hope, and the undeniable necessity of growing up.  It isn’t a perfect film; some of the secondary characters, mostly the adults, are singular emotional players.  In a movie in which many of the characters are given room to exist, this waving off of the secondaries is almost distracting.

The special features aren’t so special.  You get some deleted scenes, one of which should have been included in the film just because of the performance Mann gives, and you get to see the entire film that Greg and Earl made for Rachel.  And besides a stills gallery and a commentary track, that’s it.  Nothing about the creation of the story, or how awesome the cinematography is (it is almost dizzying at times, just like life is for a teenager).  This, my friends, is a crime.

I sincerely hope that the teen genre continues in this fashion.  Movies that speak of experience and life are so much better than the ones about vampires that go to school and walk around in the daytime.  So unrealistic!  Everyone knows vampires can’t be outside in the daytime!  Freaking morons…

           

Film Grade: B

Special Features: C

Blu-ray Necessary: Not really, but I would (great sound, and those 360 degree shots…amazing!)

T.S. Kummelman

"Monstrosities and Horrifying Pandering: What You’re Missing on NETFLIX"

"Monstrosities and Horrifying Pandering: What You’re Missing on NETFLIX"

This is the only Netflix review you get this month, kiddies, but it should be enough to keep you busy through Halloween.  The suggestion comes from my OLD college buddy Dave, who wanted horror films from across the pond.  Unfortunately, Netflix, just in time for Halloween, removed some of the best ones.  Several that were available last year are gone, but for some reason they kept some truly crappy ones up.  Lucky for you, there’s me to help weed out the turds.  And if you see a few here that I’ve suggested before, there is a reason for that: BECAUSE THEY ARE REALLY FRIGGIN' GOOD... and because they are better than most of the crap that is available.  Happy Samhain, everybody!

New Arrivals

Horror/United States

EXETER

(2015, R, 91 minutes, VICARIOUS ENTERTAINMENT)

This entertaining possession-fest is a wonderful mix of horror tropes that works so well, you wonder why it wasn’t better received by audiences.  A mashup of exorcism, slasher, haunted house, and black comedy, this movie takes the high road by mixing traditional scares, gore, and damn good effects.  The acting is excellent all around, and the cinematography by Eric Treml knows when to accentuate the gore and when to give us a little breathing room.  This is the best example of a haunted sanitarium you’ll find on Netflix.  Basically, a group of teens get trapped in an abandoned mental hospital.  Things turn nasty when one of them gets possessed, and from there this movie goes in directions you would never expect.  

Demonic Horror/Spain

ASMODEXIA

(2014, NR—probably “R”, 81 minutes, MS ENTERTAINMENT)

Don’t let that run-time fool you—this slight and wicked little number about a priest and his granddaughter performing exorcisms throughout Barcelona is a nifty take on the demonic possession genre.  That’s the only synopsis I’ll give; anything more would ruin the surprises.  The only irritating thing about this on Netflix is that the Netflix Bozo In Charge presents this in closed captioning.  Yes, you can read the subtitles just fine, but the descriptive service also tells you every time a boom happens.  Or if there is ominous music playing.  So just read the screen when someone speaks.  But I wouldn’t even be mentioning the film if it wasn’t worth having to suffer through “soft piano music” appearing on my screen…  And that cinematography, some of the shots are gorgeously executed.  Beautiful and creepy.  Just like me!

Horror/Fantasy/Norway

THALE

(2012, NR—probably a hard “R”, 76 minutes, FILM FUND FUZZ)

A bit of Norwegian folklore comes to life in the atmospheric THALE, a tale about a gorgeous young woman…WITH A TAIL.  The beautiful Silje Reinåmo plays the not-so-innocent “Thale”, who may actually be a huldra, the Norwegian name for a female spirit of the forest.  Two crime scene scrubbers come across her in an underground bunker, and the rest of the story is one you have to watch.  More fantasy than it is horror in definition, it is the things done to Thale, and how she exacts her vengeance, which present the true horror here.  Very atmospheric, alluring, and haunting, this one just barely beats out TROLL HUNTER (PG-13, 103 minutes, also available on Netflix, hint-hint-hint) as my favorite Norwegian fantasy film.  But what about Norwegian horror?  Patience, Grasshoppers…

Vampire Horror/Iran

A GIRL WALKS HOME ALONE AT NIGHT

(2014, NR—hard “R”, 101 minutes, SPECTRE VISION)

This black and white Iranian film is a wonderful, gruesome, moody, and beautiful little story about love, drugs, a vampire, and the world’s greatest cat.  The vampire is played by the arresting Sheila Vand, who starts falling for “Arash”, a teenager caught up in thievery to support his father’s drug habit.  “The Girl” is as much an innocent as Arash is when it comes to affairs of the heart, and it is their love that drives this film forward.  Pay attention to the cinematography, which is solely responsible for the film’s noir-ish vibe.

Vampire Horror/United Kingdom

BYZANTIUM

(2012, R, 118 minutes, DEMAREST FILMS)

Neil Jordan’s latest film is about a female vampiric duo, living life like grifters.  They move from place to place, staying just long enough for some evil corporate vampire types to catch up with them.  Settling down at a seaside town in Ireland, the younger of the two falls in love with a boy.  The older of the two opens a brothel.  This is a well written tale of redemption, love, and how not even a blood-sucking dead person can escape their past.  Great acting with some genuinely tense (and funny) moments.

T.S. Kummelman