"SKumm’s Thoughts" - X-FILES: WEEK I

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The 'Not-So-Critical' Critic: MR. HOLMES

The 'Not-So-Critical' Critic:

on MR. HOLMES (2015, 104 minutes, PG)

So, this summer seemed to have some lulls in its release weekends for movies. There have been a few times when browsing over my options for the week where I didn’t get that burning excitement to race off to the theatre (and I don’t mean THAT kinda burning excitement you sickly minded...). I would either choose the least likely to disappoint or one worth reviewing regardless of my taste.

I’m not going to lie; MR. HOLMES was not on my list of ‘must see’ and was the - least likely to disappoint. I know, right? If you know me at all, I am a die-hard Sherlock fan… in every way. I have read the stories, watched the shows, seen the old TV movies, and even wrote my own Sherlock story while in college as a tribute to Doyle’s work. I’m not completely sure why this choice was difficult, but I have a theory.

My first thought was having Ian McKellen as Mr. Holmes could become a possible sore point in my collection of everything Sherlock. I couldn’t handle a second go after McKellen played my favorite mutant (Magneto) who ended up way off point for my taste. I wanted a more virile and imposing actor to fill that spot, which he is not, especially not at the age he completed the project (61 at the time).

My defunct attitude was quickly changed as the story of MR. HOLMES unfolded. Based on the novel “A Slight Trick of the Mind” by Mitch Cullin and screenplay by Jeffrey Hatcher, this beautifully crafted tale shows Sherlock in his later years struggling with senility and having outlived those he cared for most. The cast included Laura Linney (of CONGO, MYSTIC RIVER, and THE TRUMAN SHOW) as his frustrated housekeeper Mrs. Munro and a young Milo Parker, her son. Laura played a moderate antagonist, but not enough to feel she was interrupting the flow. For an emerging child actor, Milo crushed this role. He put you ground level for the story and made your heart soar or stumble down a darkened crack when needed.

 

Watching Sir McKellen work as both an engaging investigator in his later years or as an aged senior, retired and hiding away from the bustle of the world, who occasionally needed help with daily tasks made you believe in the story to the utmost. As most people have seen someone slowly consumed by age, your heart breaks as he struggles to write one last story, one intended to correct Dr Watson’s more lighthearted version.

With the acting clearly on point, the equally jaw-dropping cinematography of the English countryside, and the story held together by an intricate weaving of words, this film is worth more than just one watch. Bill Conden (DREAMGIRLS, THE FIFTHE ESTATE (which connects Conden to Benedict Cumberbatch, another Sherlock)) demonstrates his talent to not get in the way of capable actors and writers, bringing the production together as a director to create a memorable addition to the Sherlock corpus. And, I promise, no burning sensations afterwards.

Grade: A

'Blu-ray or Bust' - EX MACHINA

'Blu-ray or Bust'

EX MACHINA (R, 2015, 108 minutes, DNA FILMS/A24)

Seriously. Why is the freaking future taking so long to get here?

I WANT A SEX ROBOT.

Why can’t I have Scarlett Johansson as the delightful little voice in my ear? How about Pris, but maybe without the homicidal tendencies? Hell, I’ll even settle for Maria from METROPOLIS. Right now, however, I’d like to have my own Ava… who isn’t really just a SEX ROBOT. She is the invention of a guy who spent too much time watching WEIRD SCIENCE as a kid, and now, as a horny geek on steroids, has created the perfect woman.

No, the ‘horny geek’ is not me—if it was, you think I’d be busy writing these reviews that only thirteen people (at best) ever admit to reading? Gosh no, me and my Sex Robot would be a little too busy with…things…like, laundry…and…car maintenance…

Therein lies the heart of the matter of EX MACHINA. Of course there is the classic moral dilemma of whether a computer or robot should be allowed to be self-aware, and what the implications of that awareness could mean to us more fragile humans. But there is also the ambiguous nature of said machine’s creator, and what his true purpose may be. The focus of the visual part of this film is ‘Ava’, played with amazing presence by the lovely Alicia Vikande. You come to look forward to each session visiting code writer ‘Caleb’ (Irish actor Domhnall Gleeson, who has been in more films than you realize, but outshines them all here) has with Ava, and by “session”, I don’t mean anything of the dirty nature.

Caleb’s job is to see how well the machine passes for human, but not in a physical sense. And here is where we get to the mental part of this film; creator ‘Nathan’ (Oscar Isaac, capturing the over-confident zeal and bullish nature of a man who believes he is God) represents one of four emotions on display here (you can figure out the other ones, you know I don’t do spoilers). Each character here is exactly as their pretenses and flaws are meant to be. Each one is desperate to reach their intended goals, which, in the end, is really a lesson in how to be human.

When the violence comes (as it inevitably must), it is with a childlike curiosity, which grounds this film. It is poetic, horrible, but entirely necessary. The only part of this entire production which nagged at me was the fact that, waaaay back in 2013, a film called THE MACHINE told a slightly similar story, only there was all this military crap involved. It was still a very good film (available on Netflix, by the way); the ‘cyborg’ in that film was played by the very talented Caity Lotz. And her character’s name?

Ava. (I come to you not to make accusations, but to present parallels.) (And curiosities.) (I’m like a sick carnival barker…)

The special features are immersive and well worth the effort of watching all ninety of them. Okay, it’s more like ten or twelve, but there is a lot of information in there. This really is a must on Blu-ray—the effects are breathtaking, the soundtrack effective, and the harsh contrasts of bland coloring is like a character unto itself. Excellent production, excellent execution (yeah, there’s a pun there somewhere…).

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be in my garage. Building a sex robot. See you in a few years.

Film Grade: B++ (sorry, THE MACHINE clouds my judgment…)

Special Features: A

Blu-ray Necessary: Most Definitely

T.S. Kummelman

“Big Hair and Phones With Cords: The Old Stuff You’re Missing on NETFLIX”

“Big Hair and Phones With Cords: The Old Stuff You’re Missing on NETFLIX”

This week’s theme is courtesy of one of the Faithful Thirteen: I was challenged to review the best films from different era’s available for streaming. And what other time to pick than when the world was so uncertain, when the future hung in the balance, and when we were faced with that most indomitable and confusing period of our lives: puberty. That’s right, I’m talking about the 1980’s, when I graduated from high school, started working, got a car, finally got a girlfriend, and realized that girls were most definitely not as easy to acquire as they were onscreen (and was anyone in my high school really surprised that my one and only girlfriend looked a lot like Linda Hamilton? Seriously?). So I present to you the best of that era available to stream. To quote Marty DiBergi, “Let’s boogie!”


Family/Kids/Adventure

PEE WEE’S BIG ADVENTURE
(1985, PG, 91 minutes, WARNER BROTHERS)

This is the film that introduced director Tim Burton to the world. I recently re-watched this tear-inducing comedy classic with my niece and nephew, ages 3 and 7, respectively. The fact that it captivated them as much as it still captivates me says much for a film that not only stands the test of time, but does so with a childlike glee that borders on insanity. A quick synopsis for anyone that has never seen it: some nefarious character has stolen Pee Wee’s (Paul Rubens, making iconic his character that he developed as a member of the comedy troupe “The Groundlings”) bike, and what follows is his journey across the U.S. to reclaim his most prized possession. There are more quotes and references from this film that you see in everyday life, be it from friends or other forms of media, than most other films. Just be sure that next time you stop off for a bite at a local truck stop, tell ‘em, “Large Marge sent ya.” And can someone please tell Amazing Larry to keep it down…

Sci Fi/Action

THE TERMINATOR
(1984, R, 107 minutes, ORION PICTURES)

Speaking of overly quoted films, James Cameron’s classic story of a soldier sent back in time to rescue the mother of a revolutionary from the clutches of a cyborg sent back in time to kill her still resonates to this day. Shot guerilla style in the night-time streets of Los Angeles, and made for only a little more money than PEE WEE, this is the one which breathed new life into the action scene. By combining elements of several genres, and leaning on the teachings of legendary director Roger Corman, college physics major Cameron was able to make you buy into the whole time travel bit with no questions asked. This was a time when practical effects were in their heyday, and some of the sequences he filmed are not just effective, they are beautifully rendered and brilliant in execution. I know you’ve already seen it, but go watch it again. Even the bathroom scene, when the Terminator looks the fakest, is awesome. It’s Arnold, and he kicks ass.

Horror

There were so many good horror films from the 80’s, and my two favorites are not available to stream: John Carpenter’s THE THING and John Landis’s AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON. But the best available I would have to rank as an almost-tie. Hold on, let me try and work this out: A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET was iconic, bloody, and allowed Wes Craven into our brains. He made a household name of ‘Freddy Krueger’, and created so many disturbing effects and sequences that it had audiences on edge. Forget all of the sequels—there were a few good ones, but the first is still the best. And then there was THE LOST BOYS, released at a time when snark and horror seemed to breed unhindered across the film screen and the straight-to-video market. This Joel Schumacher classic combined teens, humor, and horror into an unthinkable R-rated gem. Featuring Corey Haim and Corey Feldman, he yanked popular matinee idols of the PG-13 realm and thrust them into an adult-ish realm of cool bloodsuckers that sparkled, yet had a decidedly evil undertone.

But, the best available to stream?

H.P. LOVECRAFT’S RE-ANIMATOR
(1985, UR, 85 minutes)

Director Stuart Gordon not only brilliantly paid homage to the source material he modernized it. He made a classic horror film reminiscent of the haunted house and mad scientist films of previous decades and threw in a good-sized helping of gore, camp, psychological horror, and outright outlandishness (head-in-the-tray scene, anyone?...). And while it did spur two inferior sequels, this is the finest example of the period: gore, humor, a great cast and crew whom took their jobs very seriously, and Barbara Crampton’s boobs.

Comedy: A Tie

Comedy/Musical

THIS IS SPINAL TAP
(1984, R, 82 minutes, EMBASSY PICTURES)

This proved another tough genre to choose from. There are a surprising number of great comedies from the ‘80’s on Netflix. Classics like MR. MOM, THE BLUES BROTHERS, and 48 HRS(*) are all fine examples of the comedies being produced by an industry over-laden with its share of films that weren’t nearly as good (meaning anything with Shelly Long and/or Whoopi Goldberg). Yet rising from comedic obscurity like an evil, midget phoenix with serious mental issues was the fictional band ‘Spinal Tap’. This mockumentary takes itself so seriously that even the lyrics to the music (sung and played by the stars themselves) are hysterical. Writer/director/actor Rob Reiner, together with some of the funniest comedic actors of the time, crafted the sharpest, wittiest parody of rock-and-roll you will ever see. With lines like “you can’t really dust for vomit” and “we’ve got armadillos in our pants”, this film really couldn’t lose. And the cameo’s…see if you can spot Billy Crystal, Paul Shaffer, and Bruno Kirby…but speaking of lines and comedians…

Comedy/Action

BEVERLY HILLS COP
(1984, R, 105 minutes, PARAMOUNT PICTURES)

…Eddie Murphy’s first starring role was such a commercial success, he seemed to skyrocket from his gig on Saturday Night Live to charismatic movie star overnight. However, 48 HRS had the distinction of also being one of the most racist films of the eighties. You wonder at how Murphy was able to tolerate the blatant derogatory nature for most of co-star Nick Nolte’s lines—hell, Nolte’s character “Jack” had an apology for Murphy’s “Reggie”, and even THAT was racist! While 48 is an important film only because of its horrendous treatment of Murphy’s obvious talent, and his ability to outshine it, his more iconic role of the ‘80’s was as detective Axel Foley in COP. The role cemented his status in Hollywood in a unique way—not only was he genuinely funny, he made a great action star. With 48 HOURS, his sharp wit, impeccable timing, and willingness to suffer every Hollywood stereotype that was thrown at him sent a wake-up call to Hollywood. But with COP, he showed that a talented black man could indeed carry a film, and should be trusted to do so. Pairing him with two not-so-intelligent partners made this the first of several films, which pushed the odd-couple dynamic into action film history (see: RUNNING SCARED, MIDNIGHT RUN, LETHAL WEAPON—all films of the 80’s, all capitalizing on this film’s success). But it also relied on the best attributes of each star, which made this film, at its heart, a hard-hitting comedy. It was also the first of his films that cast him as a regular guy, and not just as a black guy. This could be the best, and most important, comedy (if not the birth of a comedian) of the 1980’s.

Make up a queue kids and put me to work! Suggestions are always welcome, and your objective is to try and stump me—come up with the weirdest sounding queue you can think of! I double dog dare you!

T.S. Kummelman

The 'Not-So-Critical' Critic: ANT-MAN

The 'Not-So-Critical' Critic:

on ANT-MAN (2015, 117 minutes, PG-13)

Superheroes come in many shapes and sizes. This one is a bit small...

Some critics found ANT-MAN entertaining and light-hearted. Others found it lacking, using cliché story points and seemed quickly pasted together. I found both to be true.

The jokes were plenty and kept with the Marvel formula. The film is good for a filler in the MCU and a fun-flick. But I found it to be an average addition to the collection. The simplistic approach to Ant-Man plays out well enough but I believe the director switch-a-roo may have been too much. Edgar Wright (SHAUN OF THE DEAD, HOT FUZZ, THE WORLD'S END, SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD) was to direct and was the major contributor to the screenplay. When Wright left, Peyton Reed (YES MAN, THE BREAK-UP, BRING IT ON) took over the project in mid-stream and did not fallback to regroup. We will never know if this was a good or a bad move on Marvel's part.

.... don't read further if you want to like the film and not be swayed by an over-thinking critic ...

Truth is, I enjoyed it without putting too much thought on the subject. The effects were great and were the strongest part of the film. Paul Rudd, disliked by many, was not as bad as people feared. This role fit his personality and he pulled it off, so suck on that haters. The bad guy, Darren Cross / Yellowjacket, played by Corey Stoll, was plain horrible, and I don't mean in the nice way. They made him out to be a particle-twisted, mad scientist. It felt like the typical approach from Marvel, to not have morally-ambiguous antagonists, keeping with a clear excuse to not have 'naughty' humans responsible for atrocious acts. Think about it; if you're not a deranged alien, you are either insane, mind-altered, or overly power hungry. They should have taken a page from 'Daredevil'! Marvel missed their chance to have an interesting villain, and will never catch up to DCU with this continued softballing.

The proof of rushing the production is with Michael Douglas and Evangeline Lilly's roles and how they were portrayed as both their father-daughter relationship and contributors to the overall story. Knowing that these two fine actors can perform, I felt they were disconnected from their parts. I was not convinced, like I was watching clips from practice shots and the actors not fully vested in the roles. The transfer to screen made it more a collage of emotions with abrupt changes than a seamless development in their characters.

Like I said, it is worth a watch and better than some of the MCU films, but you will not find the strong writing you get from the CAPTAIN movies or the humor from GUARDIANS, and definitely not as octane-paced as an AVENGER movie. ANT-MAN will always be trapped in the second-rate category thanks to the need to compare it with the other MCU films, and the possible flubbage in not regrouping after a change in director.

Grade: B-

'Blu-ray or Bust' - IT FOLLOWS

'Blu-ray or Bust'

IT FOLLOWS (R, 2015, 100 minutes, NORTHERN LIGHTS FILMS/DIMENSION)

The people who watch horror films can be a fickle bunch.

There are those purists who want their horror movies to be serious; there can be no joking and no straying from the typical formula. There are those that are collectors of awesome deaths. Honestly, who didn’t love seeing Kevin Bacon get impaled with the speargun by Jason? Or Johnny Depp getting sucked into his own bed by Freddy? There are those who can tell you the exact kill order in every single TEXAS CHAINSAW film. Some horror fans hate gore, others hate CGI, and others cheer on the bad guy.

Then there’s me. I enjoy every stinking type of horror film there is. The only thing I ask (and I don’t think I’m asking for too much) is that the movie doesn’t suck. Over the last few years, there are a couple of films that, to me, stand out as 'Horror Movies That Didn’t Suck'. That list includes THE CABIN IN THE WOODS, YOU’RE NEXT, and MAGGIE. You will notice that the last twenty-five PARANORMAL ACITIVITY “movies” are not on the list (because they all have a suckfactor—yeah, I just made that word up—of three million)(and six).

You can add IT FOLLOWS to the 'Didn’t Suck List'. In fact, I’ve got plenty of room for this awesome little doozy on my 'Top Ten Films of The Year'. A lot of other reviewers compare this to the rules set up by classic 80’s slasher films, the foremost of those rules being that if you are a teenager, and you have sex, you are dead meat (sorry, Kevin Bacon). While that is the basic premise here, the story, written by director David Robert Mitchell, delves much deeper than teenagers spending the majority of the film running from the slasher. Don't misunderstand, this is what they are doing. The difference is that the director takes the time to develop these characters. He gives his actors a chance to explore not just the moral dilemmas that push the story forward, but also their relationships with each other.

The rules of the film are simple: boy has sex with girl, tells her he just passed “it” onto her, and tells her to run, and at some point bang some other dude so she can pass it onto another victim. Otherwise, if “it” catches up with you, bad things happen to you. Like maybe you get Kevin Baconed.

“It” takes whatever human shape it desires. Oh, and it cannot be stopped. It’s like a herpes infected, armor-plated crab from Hell. A perfect and impervious villain whose sole reason for existence is to kill. And the greatest trick this film pulls off is that its antagonist WALKS. It does not run after its prey, it does not rush in for the kill. It is slow, methodical, and it will keep right on coming at you.

Technically, this is filmmaking perfected. There are long, slow, sweeping pans which create such a sense of paranoia in the viewer that you cannot help but see danger in every person walking in the background. The lighting seems natural in every scene, the music accentuates every scene, and the attention to every second of the story is continuity heaven (except for one glaring mix-up with a magazine, but I’m probably the only perv that noticed).

The special features are thin; you get a commentary track done by film critics (sometimes helpful and informative, other times tediously inadequate—we know you like the movie, but we’d kinda rather be listening to the director), and an interview with “Disasterpiece” (responsible for that totally effective soundtrack) and that’s about it. Therein lies the only drawback to this Blu-ray release—not enough stuff!

While only Mitchell knows what his next project is, let us hope it is something as original and effective as this. And while I hope he sticks with the genre (his voice is too fresh to make this his only foray into horror), I’ll just be happy to see him do another film... as long as some of his characters get Kevin Baconed.

Film Grade: A

Special Features: D

Blu-ray Necessary: Hells yes!

T.S. Kummelman

The 'Not-So-Critical' Critic: MINIONS

The 'Not-So-Critical' Critic:

on MINIONS (2015, 91 minutes, PG)

The Quick of It -

There is a reason MINIONS topped the box office and became the second most opening weekend grosser for an animated movie. There is, but I'm not sure why. Half the movie is in babble-speak. It's like watching a dubbed movie with some half-crazed mumbler speaking in tongues the whole time. Ah, who am I kidding... everyone wants to have a set of minions.

Three doofs make their way into and out of trouble more times than I care to count. As heroes, they are villain-assistants who are searching for a master. So, you see, we have lost our minds as Americans, again rooting for the bad guy... but in the most lovable way.

Grade: B+