‘Blu-ray or Bust’
RALPH BREAKS THE
INTERNET (2018, PG, 111 minutes, WALT DISNEY PICTURES)
SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE
SPIDER-VERSE (2018, PG-13, 117 minutes, SONY PICTURES/MARVEL)
For the last year, I have complained about many, many things. I’m old, so
I’m allowed.
But the one constant gripe I have is when it comes to the length of
animated films. (Okay, that, and the fact that women look at me like I have a
fourth nipple growing on my forehead.) But back in my day, animated films
clocked in at less than an hour-and-a-half. Especially Disney films; the
average length of most of their classics is right around the 1:28 mark. That
was always plenty of time to tell a story and, most importantly, keep a kid
entertained.
Yet, you cannot help but wonder if the age of home video hasn’t turned
modern technology into this century’s version of a babysitter. The movies have
gotten much longer, and I cannot attest to whether the films can keep a child’s
attention for a full two hours. All I have to go on is my own brain, which,
while still held captive by puberty, has aged a bit.
I can tell you that the nearly two hour-long RALPH BREAKS THE INTERNET is
entertaining at times, but that is its inherent problem: it only works in fits
and starts. There are some thrilling moments, and a few funny ones, but it
doesn’t justify the run time. John C. Reilly returns as Wreck-It Ralph, the
“bad guy” of an arcade game. This time around, he and bestie Vanellope (Sarah
Silverman) must venture into the internet to retrieve the steering wheel to
Vanellope’s console video game, or she may become homeless. There are several
nods to that vast digital world in the form of many familiar sites. This is
like the internet version of READY PLAYER ONE, so far as the name dropping
goes.
But ultimately the heavy-handed message sinks this film. Disney used to be
much more elegant and sly about their messages to kids, but this one—about how
friendships can change—seems overlong and stretched way thin. I get that Ralph
pretty much blunders through everything, but didn’t we already cover this
territory in one of the TOY STORY films? Much of this seems (and feels)
redundant, as if Ralph and Vanellope’s predictable and by-the-numbers story
will make the message easier to grasp.
Then there is the latest SPIDER-MAN movie. At a runtime even longer than
Ralph’s, it does something the other can’t quite do: it entertains on a
consistent basis while encouraging the viewer to believe in themselves. There
is a reason—several of them, really—this won the Academy Award for Best
Animated Feature, and not the heavy-handed (pun TOTALLY intended) RALPH. In
this iteration of the Spider-man universe, Peter Parker dies. Not really a
spoiler, so don’t think I gave anything away. His death leaves a void, and
stepping tentatively into his webbed shoes is young Miles Morales (Shameik
Moore of DOPE fame). Miles has no clue what he is doing; thankfully, when the
original Spider-man was killed trying to stop Kingpin’s Super Collider from
ripping a hole in the space-time continuum, the machine brought Spider-people
from other dimensions into his own.
So, Miles gets help from a black and white Noir Spider-man, a Spider-Gwen,
a robot, a pig, and a different, down-on-his-luck Peter Parker. Part of the
brilliance on display is the blend of animation styles, and the constant love
the filmmakers throw to the comic books which birthed these characters.
Spider-Ham looks and acts like a Looney Tunes character, the robot-like anime,
etc. But it goes far beyond that; the textures in Mile’s face herald back to
the comics themselves, and is a wonderful detail that continuously impresses.
Next up for Disney’s Animation Studio is another TOY STORY sequel; after
the third one, I’m not sure why this one is necessary, but I’ll watch it
anyways. Yet therein lies a problem: each TOY film has been longer than the
last, and the first clocked in at eighty-one minutes. At some point, parents
may want to teach their kids how to use the “pause” button on the remote. Let
them go outside and use their own imagination for a bit.
RALPH: C
SPIDER-MAN: A-
Special Features: (there were sooo manyyyy)
Blu-ray necessary: RALPH no, SPIDER absolutely
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