“Blu-ray or Bust” - X-MEN: APOCALYPSE

“Blu-ray or Bust”

X-MEN: APOCALYPSE (2016, PG-13, 144 minutes, MARVEL ENTERTAINMENT/20TH CENTURY FOX)

Every franchise is going to have a misstep. Famous turds include the fourth ALIEN film, JAWS 3 and 4, STAR TREK V, and, my favorite movie to hate, THOR: THE TURD WORLD.

Brian Singer’s X-MEN: APOCALYPSE isn’t so much of a misstep as it is a slight stumble. It doesn’t have any Ewok moments, or a T-Rex loose in Los Angeles, but it does have a wee bit of an issue when it comes to its bad guy. Don’t misunderstand me—Oscar Isaac plays “Apocalypse” rather well. But his presence isn’t as overbearing as it should be. He is a fine actor, but he never really pulls off intimidating all that well. We see that the threat is real (there is a butt-ton of special effects to prove it to us), but his normal talking voice…well, it’s a normal talking voice.

Even Bane sounded better than this, and he sounded like he was talking into a Dixie cup the entire time. At least the regulars are back—plus, we get some fresh faces to the series. By re-introducing us to characters like “Cyclops”, “Storm”, and “Jean”, Singer is playing to the hearts of X-fans worldwide. And, by bringing back the regular main players, and the heroes we met in the last chapter of the franchise, he is insuring us a competent and familiar ride.

And that’s another part of the problem. Some of it almost feels like a given, like “I’m including this bit ‘cause the kids’ll love it”. Certain plot points and character actions aren’t all that new. And what’s worse is that some of the special effects aren’t all that special. Some of them seem rather haphazard, almost unfinished. And then there are others that prove where most of the money is going: Quicksilver racing through an explosion to save a mansion full of kids, and Jean Gray getting her “Phoenix” on are the two best sequences of the film. Yet the Quicksilver bit isn’t as refreshing as it was in DAYS OF FUTURE PAST; yes, Evan Peters is awesome in the role, adding a heavy dose of humor to the proceedings not just with his actions, but also with his facial expressions. But Singer tries too hard to out-do that infamous kitchen scene from the last film.

The Phoenix Incident, however, is almost worth the entire price of admission.  Well, that, and my now four-year man crush, Michael Fassbender. His “Magneto” is, at times, breathtaking to watch. For a director to still pull in the first-class actors that Singer has, and for so many times now, is proof that these people believe not just in the characters, but the director’s plans for them.

And therein lies my final issue, and segues nicely into the part where I tell you about the special features (an hour long behind-the-scenes doc, trailers, a pretty darn funny gag reel); with the deleted and extended scenes, it is important that you watch the one about Magneto and Apocalypse. This is an extension of Magneto’s re-birth, and a cut scene, which shows Apocalypse waking up in an alley. I’m rather perturbed that this sequence was cut from the film, partly due to the fact that both are necessary, more so because: MICHAEL FREAKING FASSBENDER.

You have that good of an actor, that pulls off an amazing scene of emotional transition and you cut it out of the film?!? Singer needs to take a vacation. Seriously. What Fassbender does in thirty seconds is nothing short of artistic. In the hands of any other actor, it would have come off as heavy handed, but his is screen presence which dares you to doubt what he is sharing with you. And it pisses me off that it was cut.

So, ultimately, the film isn’t horrible, so much as it is an acidic burp after a really good pizza. Not quite vomit-inducing, but it still leaves a bit of a burn. Singer’s next project involves bringing another faction of the X-Men universe to the small screen in 2017. Which, with the budgetary constraints of television, should be interesting to see if they find themselves having to rely more on great acting than on great effects. Be careful what you edit, Mr. Singer.

Film Grade: B-

Special Features: A

Blu-ray Necessary: Yes…and no…let’s just go with “kinda”.