'Blu-ray or Bust'
PRIDE & PREDJUDICE & ZOMBIES (2016, PG-13, 107
minutes, SONY/CROSS CREEK PICTURES)
I would like to think that if Jane Austen, the classic
author of “Pride and Prejudice”, ever met writer Seth Grahame-Smith, she might
embrace him, sharing a giggle with what he did to her classic characters. In
2009, Seth published a rather unique and hysterical take on her classic by
keeping the drama and characters of her work, but setting it all against the
backdrop of a Victorian era zombie apocalypse.
I would also like to think that if Austen ever met director
Burr Steers, that she would kick him soundly in his naughty bits. Not only has
he eviscerated Grahame-Smith’s take on the Austen classic, but he does so with
more of a nod to the original work. At first, it is hard to pinpoint the real
problem (PUN ALERT!) plaguing this film, but by the time you get to the forty
minute mark, it is abundantly clear: Steers does not buy into the entire
ridiculousness of the reimagining of the tale. He tries to make the entire
situation more plausible, thus hindering the story itself. Where Grahame-Smith
(okay, really, what dude hyphenates his name, fer cryin’ out loud…getting tired
of typing all that out…) exalted in the genre mash-up (hell, the book even had
ninjas in it!), Steers treats it more as an aside.
The movie isn’t horrible—it just isn’t as good as it thinks
it is. There are some laugh-out-loud moments, many of which are provided by
Matt Smith (“Doctor Who”). His performance as the icky Parson Collins makes the
film worth the watch. He alone seems to grasp the source material’s gleeful
disregard to propriety, and steals nearly every scene he is in. Honestly, I
didn’t have a problem with any of the performances, just with what they were
given to do. Smith is the only one having fun, and when it is that obvious,
your movie is going to suffer for it.
Steer’s other problem is the film’s rating. PG-13 zombie
films just aren’t that good. You expect gore, or at least a certain amount of
it (whether you are looking for it or not) in any zombie film. I mean, they eat
people. There’s supposed to be gore. And there is some here, but it is almost
as if they were afraid to dirty the tapestries and the settees. The most
obvious scene lacking the biggest potential for gore is also the one that is
supposed to sell us on the bad-assery of the Bennet sisters; you can see the
implied stabbings as obvious misses. I know they aren’t supposed to actually be
killing each other, but you can plainly see the swords going to the sides instead
of straight on. This can be blamed on the choreography and the camera work.
Movies are all about misdirection, but this one takes that a little too
literally.
Another issue at work is the numerous plot holes, and
unfinished story lines. For as long as this film is, he could have cut a few
bits out and we never would have missed them. (SPOILER ALERT: the Four Zombie
Horsemen of the Apocalypse? Totally useless.) I sure hope Steer isn’t saving
things for a sequel—one try is enough, thank you.
There is absolutely no need at all to purchase this film on
Blu-ray. There is very little to gain from the format here; the score is
passable as background noise, but it never lifts any of the scenes up, never
creates tension or passion. And cinematographer Remi Adefarasin (“The Pacific”,
ME BEFORE YOU) must have been phoning this one in. Some of the images he
captures are well shot, but the man has a tough time switching between tea
parties and zombie raids.
Hopefully, Jane Austen will come back as a zombie one day
and hunt down Burr Steer. I just hope she stops herself from eating his
brains—she won’t find anything tasty in there.
Grade: C- (mostly because of Matt Smith, and partly because
actress Lily James is dang hot)
Special Features: C (it was a chore to watch them, after
watching the film—although they were the more entertaining of the two)
Blu-ray Necessary: Oh Hell NO
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