'Blu-ray or Bust' - REGRESSION

'Blu-ray or Bust'

REGRESSION (2016, R, 106 minutes, FILMNATION ENTERTAINMENT)

For those that only pay marginal attention to my occasional dislikes of the Hollywood wood chipper, you may not recall that my dislike for Ethan Hawke ranks right up there with my dislike of onions.

Onion, in its powdery, enhance-the-flavor-of-your-cooking form, is tolerable. As was Hawke, back in 1985. But put even a sliver of an onion in front of me, and I’ll break out the Bible and some rosary beads—onions are the devil’s fruit. They are evil.

So is adult Ethan Hawke.

Alas, I now find that my unholy belief that Hawke is the spawn of Satan (he almost ruined Uma Thurman into obscurity, man!) is in question. REGRESSION tells the tale of a detective caught up in a satanic conspiracy in the early 1990’s. At the center of the case is Angela Gray (Emma Watson, who usually shines in every stinkin’ thing she does), a young woman who has accused her father of abuse—of the satanic nature. The story itself is interesting enough to keep you watching, although by the end, I was hoping for more…EVIL, shall we say.

Writer/director Alejandro Amenábar (THE OTHERS) knows how to spin a tale; just when you start getting antsy, he throws another twist at you, and by the ending, has you questioning your own thought process. That is the mark of a good storyteller: someone that can make you go “huh!” by the time it is all said and done. Two out of the three most effective characteristics of this film is the score by Roque Baños (THE MACHINIST, SEXY BEAST) and the cinematography by Daniel Aranyó (HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 2 & 3) (yeah, I know…); the tone and mood set by both adds to the mysterious atmosphere of the tale. But, dammit….

…HAWKE.

I kinda forgot I was watching him. He wasn’t so oniony here; he almost (gasp!) seemed like a normal guy. His delivery is spot on, and his mannerisms—hell, he even gets a haunted look in his eyes at one point!—make him believable in his role. He almost blows it with a bit of overacting at the end, but not enough to make me want to brush my teeth for twenty minutes and gargle with Old Spice. For Watson to be the most disappointing part of the film makes me wonder if I accidentally smoked crack cocaine earlier today. Honestly, I think she cries in every freaking scene. The rest of the cast is okay, but the only other standout is David Thewlis as “Kenneth Raines”, a psychology professor that assists Kenner (Hawke) on the case. Yet even his role seems shallow next to Hawke, who pretty much carries the storyline for the entire length of the film.

The special features include people saying nice things about Hawke (sigh) and Watson (usually warranted, but, again, SHE IS CRYING IN ALMOST EVERY SCENE) (because she has to work with an onion, probably…), and a behind-the-scenes that gives you a look into the story and the usual filmmaking process.

I sincerely hope that Ethan does something again soon to truly irritate me. I don’t like liking him right now; makes me feel like a traitor, or a Communist or something. Just don’t ask me to try an onion.

Film Grade: B-

Special Features: C (nothing extraordinary, and seriously, if I had to listen one more time about how awesome Ethan freaking Hawke is, I woulda gotten mad enough to drop kick a baby)

Blu-ray Necessary: Recommended (seriously, the score and the cinematography are that good)