'Blu-ray or Bust'
POLTERGEIST (2015, PG-13/NR, 93 minutes, MGM/GHOSTHOUSE
PICTURES)
I love me some Sam Rockwell.
The actor, who seems rather picky with the roles he chooses,
is one of the better character actors working today. His quick wit and delivery makes him an easy choice for a leading
comedic role, and his dramatic performances have been underappreciated for some
time now.
But apparently, Sam must have been drinking his lunch one
day when he agreed to star in the un-scary remake of the classic Tobe Hooper
film POLTERGEIST. Honestly, where the
hell did his integrity go? Does some
weasel of a studio exec have compromising pictures of Rockwell with a lemur and
two stoned midgets?
The script, written by a guy used to writing kids films
(David Lindsay-Abaire) is mostly stupid.
Gone is the charm of the original.
While there are some delightful moments with the kids interacting with
each other, overall, the script is dull.
It follows some of the plot points and “scary” bits from the original,
but trying to modernize certain aspects of the film was a mistake. Also, cutting out other storylines from the
first because you spend too much time exploring the new stupid parts is… well… STUPID.
Remember that nasty preying mantis-looking ghost at the top
of the stairs that brings Jobeth Williams to her knees? Gone.
The pool? Nope, not there. (Even a freaking kiddie pool would have
worked better than the bubbly goo…)
Practical effects? Ha. CGI is the true monster here. Well, that and THE STUPID SCRIPT.
As much as I like Rockwell, stay away from this one. The only good parts of the film happen
before any of the “oh crap, my daughter is in the flat screen TV” stuff
does. And the special features? Who cares.
The last thing I want to see is a doc about how to write a stupid
script, or how to make a bad movie thanks to a STUPID FREAKING SCRIPT.
Film Grade: D
Special Features: D-
Blu-ray Necessary: Only if you are the same person that
liked the remake of THE THING. Then
yes, by all means, buy the most expensive version of this film you can
find. Then, go buy a copy of the stupid
script online, and kindly beat yourself in the face with it. A LOT.
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