“Riots and Bad Voiceovers: The New Season You’re Missing on NETFLIX”

“Riots and Bad Voiceovers: The New Season You’re Missing on NETFLIX”

ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK

(2013--, NR—definitely for MATURE audiences, 13 episodes, NETFLIX)

Well, kids, it’s that time of year again—time to binge another show.

I know, I know; it’s summer, time to go outside and enjoy the fresh air, get a tan, frolic in the fields and roll down hills and other outdoorsy crap.  But the girls of Litchfield Penitentiary are back, and goodness, do they need your attention.

Season five picks up exactly where the last one left off—which makes sense for the series, as the fourth picked up right where the third ended.  Only this time, it’s at the very start of a prison riot.  Following last season’s shocking death, the women-only prison is in an uproar, and the girls are taking hostages.  I normally do not do spoilers, and you won’t find any in this review.  Just know that the season takes place over the course of three days, so it is faster paced than normal.

Also, there are more technical issues that I found kind of distracting.  I’ll try to be brief…

1)      Continuity: you ever watch a movie where a glass of water someone is holding is half empty in one shot, full in the next, and then down to a third?  That’s continuity.  All I’ll say is watch Red’s sleeve.  Or rather, what she has up her sleeve.  There are other examples this season, but that drove me freaking nuts.

2)      Voice overs: in the first two episodes alone, the re-recordings are horrible.  Audibly, it sounds as if the actors are talking through a paper-towel tube, or a really old cell phone.

3)      Editing: also in the first two episodes are three or four extra seconds to scenes that have no reason being there.  Honestly; television isn’t known for extra-long scenes.  It was like someone forgot to yell “cut!”, and everyone just kept staring at each other a while longer.

4)      Writing: yes, television (even in this new age of streaming television) is a way to escape the ordinary.  But that doesn’t mean you expect abject whimsy in a show about a woman’s prison.  While TV is a break from reality, you typically want something that adheres to some semblance of normal physics and laws.  And this season breaks a couple of those laws.

5)      Time: we are well past the point of the stars being able to pull off the “ten years ago” look needed for the flashbacks.  There are several instances where this looks and feels horrible.  Putting a wig on Danielle Brooks (“Taystee”) and pretending she is eighteen years old no longer works—nothing against Ms. Brooks, but the actress is almost ten years older than that.  I’m not making a comment about her age or her looks (she’s really pretty hot); what I’m saying is that I would have a hard time pulling off forty at this point, and there could have been more of an effort to try and make her look longer than throwing long hair on her head.

Now, the positives in this season are many.  The aforementioned Danielle Brooks does a wonderful job as Taystee comes into her own, finding a voice for the character that we have only seen hints of previously.

But my favorite, once again, is two-time Golden Globe winner Uzo Aduba as Suzanne “Crazy Eyes” Warren.  Having already won two Primetime Emmy’s for her portrayal of a woman suffering from mental disorder(s), her Suzanne is a constant and needed shift in tempo and heart.  She perfectly captures the hardships and heartbreaks of Suzanne’s struggles, pulling you into her trips with a gentle hand, showing you how her world really is, then roughly shoving you away to bear witness to her insanity.  I would expect a third win for the job she does this season.

Everyone else in the cast is great, but Ms. Aduba and Ms. Brooks get the most screen time, and this season is the better for it.  As disjointed and lackadaisical as the first episode seems (honestly, for a show in its fifth season, you would think the people behind the scenes would know how to carry momentum from one season to the next), give it a few episodes to get used to the many, many different plots to catch up with the rest of the season.  Not the worst season, and not the best; but if you watch this for any reason at all, do it for Taystee and Crazy Eyes.  Artists, I tell ya.

Season Four Grade: B

Series Grade: B

-- T.S. Kummelman

"SKumm's Thoughts" - WONDER WOMAN

"SKumm's Thoughts"

WONDER WOMAN (2017, 141 minutes, DC ENTERTAINMENT/WARNER BROTHERS)

I realized several things while watching director Patty Jenkins (MONSTER) epic WONDER WOMAN, some of which may sound like jabs at producer and DC directorial favorite Zack Snyder, but, at their core, are no such thing (mostly).

First off—we finally have a DC film that is perfect without a Snyder Director’s Cut.  Which is surprising when you consider that he was one of the writers of the film; clocking in at well over two hours, Warner Brothers must have finally gotten the hint that longer movies sometimes make for better movies.  The slashing of Snyder’s WATCHMEN and BATMAN VS SUPERMAN produced theatrical releases that seemed half-hearted, whereas the longer versions were better told stories, and darn good films.

Secondly: when is a superhero movie NOT a superhero movie?  When the lead character is learning about herself, and not her powers.  Also, Jenkins focuses on Diana’s character more so than her body, which lends more credibility to her heroic status.  The wonderful Gal Gadot in the titular role (stop snickering) is a breath of fresh air in a predominantly male dominated and overly chiseled genre.  She captures the innocence, ferocity, and determination that gets lost with other characters.  Her “Diana” is a hero for the ages, one that learns how to fight before finding out who she really is.  And let me tell you something right off the bat—the actress playing “Young Diana” needs more work.  Like NOW.  Lilly Aspel—believe it or not, this is her theatrical debut—has the same attributes her older self possesses, and to see such an honest performance from a girl so young shows casting choices that are not just smart, but bordering on brilliant.

Thirdly: this is probably the most beautiful superhero film ever captured on celluloid, and I’m not just saying that because of Ms. Gadot.  I’m also not just saying that because of Robin Wright.  Or Connie Nielsen.  It’s because even with the battle scenes, even with the dirty streets of World War I London—the vision that Jenkins and cinematographer Matthew Jensen (the beautifully photographed CHRONICLE and “Game of Thrones”) capture here is a story so visually stunning that you are really in awe of the locations they scouted.  The isle of Themyscira is indeed a paradise, just as much as the torn earth of the Western Front is a gritty, dirty hell on earth.  But from how the film was lit to the way some of the action is slowed down so you can see just how our heroine moves are all brilliant strokes of filmmaking, and add to the beauty of this story.

Lastly (because really, I could go one for about another forty paragraphs), Chris Pine.  This dude is one of the best unheralded actors of this era, and everyone just kind of ignores him.  ‘Oh, yeah, the new Captain Kirk, whatever’.  Uh, pardon me, but did anyone see him in HELL OR HIGH WATER?  How about his uncredited role in STRETCH?  BOTTLE SHOCK, anyone?  It isn’t just his versatility, it is also his presence, the sarcastic looks, the intelligence bubbling in his eyes.  The man is a hell of an actor, and he shows more layers here than an ordinary superhero film deserves.

But again, this is no ordinary superhero film.  It is one that doesn’t need other action heroes, doesn’t need any Avengers or competing super men.  At its heart—and all of the girl power! reviews may not like me for saying this—it is a coming of age film, told through the eyes of a little girl that grows up at exactly the right moment.  Bravo, Warner Brothers, for handing the reigns of this film over to the likes of Jenkins & Co.

Grade: A+

The 'Not-So-Critical' Critic: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES

The 'Not-So-Critical' Critic: 

on PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES (2017, 129 minutes, PG-13)

The Quick of It -

I love Disney.  Not for their theme parks… for their deep pockets.  They will greenlight and support projects that most studios would never entertain in a boardroom.  PIRATES has been a struggle after their 2^nd release, for a number of reasons… most for the wrong ones.  That was a trend movie-goers embraced and was supported by the critics… that the story has been played out.  But not for me.

I have thoroughly enjoyed this amazing ‘ride’.  Yes, there are some weak points and some unpopular decisions.  But I was never a fan of the Will Turner and Elizabeth Swan (Bloom – Knightley) as a continued love interest, they were just not that convincing after the BLACK PEARL.  So I could care less that they did not continue to reprise their roles in the fourth film.  Don’t get me wrong, they contributed to the subsequent stories after the PEARL but I never felt an underlying connection between the two characters that made me feel interested in their future together.

Thus creates the first slight struggle for me with DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES.  The cornerstone plot point is the incidental love interest growing between Henry Turner (Brenton Thwaites of GODS OF EGYPT, OCULUS, AND MALEFICENT), son of Will and Elizabeth, and Carina Smyth (Kaya Scodelario of the MAZE RUNNER series and MOON).  This is too close a reflection of the original, seeming to give a try at regaining the magic of the series that everyone was screaming for.  In this quest-driven film, Henry has discovered a way to end all the curses that plague the seas, to include the one keeping his father trapped on the Flying Dutchman, by finding the Trident of Poseidon. 

And enters the convoluted plot.  This creates a domino effect of pirate captain introductions.  Henry believes the compass carried by Captain Jack Sparrow will lead him to the Trident.  He unfortunately sails right into our first antagonist, Captain Salazar.  Salazar realizes Henry is looking for Jack and wants Henry to carry his message of promise of death to Jack. 

The addition of Captain Salazar, played by one of the most charismatic actors of our time – Javier Bardem, brings Captain Jack Sparrow (THE Johnny Depp) into the picture.  He wants to kill Jack for his imprisonment in the Devil’s Triangle… and every other pirate of the sea that gets in his way.  Which then means Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush), who has built a pirate fleet and learns of this, is under threat of losing everything.  Then Jack finds out his only way to stop Salazar is to also find the Trident.  So, yeah... everyone wants the damn Trident.  But, this doesn’t make a total mess of things, just makes too many moving parts to really give good traction to develop a strong storyline. 

So, why must you risk the traitorous seas on this fifth installment?  The comedy, the visuals, and the need to fill that ‘pirate’ void in your life.  Captain Jack doesn’t steal the show any more than the other alpha personalities but Depp sells you on all the physical comedy you want.  He must have some Chaplin blood in his veins, there is no doubt.  The cinematography was of the highest caliber.  You expect no less from Paul Cameron.  If you ever saw COLLATER or TOTAL RECALL, you understand.  Also, this is not a bad outing for the Norwegian director-duo Joachim Ronning and Espen Sandberg, as unpracticed at the big screen as they are.  The final results make for an entertaining addition to the PIRATE’s series.

 

Oh… and thanks to those deep pockets, there is talk of a sixth film in the works. 

Grade: B