“Fantastically Ugly Sweaters and Abject Caroling: The Other Christmas Stuff You’re Missing on NETFLIX”

“Fantastically Ugly Sweaters and Abject Caroling: The Other Christmas Stuff You’re Missing on NETFLIX”

While there are some notable omissions from this list, there are still a few classics and almost-classics for the holidays. Recently, Netflix lost the rights to BAD SANTA and THE ICE HARVEST, and DIE HARD hasn’t been available to stream in, like, EVER. However, there are a few good ones here, whether it be for family viewing or not-so-kid-friendly time.

Horror

 

A CHRISTMAS HORROR STORY

(2015, NR (treat it as an “R”), 99 minutes, COPPERHEART ENT.)

Oh, those wily Canadians! Christmas in the fictional town of Bailey Downs is in full swing, and so are the axes! Four mostly unrelated tales make this a film that delves into holiday legends (Krampus) and mythological beings (changelings), as well as a nifty “teenagers trapped in a haunted school” segment, and Santa battling the undead. Add William Shatner as a booze-swigging disc jockey trying to keep it together during Christmas Eve, and you have a whole lot going on in this bloody little flick. Plenty of dark humor and holiday SPIRITS (sorry, forgot to insert the PUN ALERT! bit…) for the adults in the family.

Additional Horror Selections: DEAD SNOW/DEAD SNOW 2—neither one of these has anything to do with Christmas, but there’s snow, and nothing says “Happy holidays!” quite like snow. And Nazi zombies.

Comedy/Bill Murray

SCROOGED

(1988, PG-13, 101 minutes, PARAMOUNT PICTURES)

If I even have to tell you about this film, there’s clearly something amiss with your priorities. Murray plays a modern (for the late 80’s, that is) Scrooge to an all-star cast of characters, including musician-turned-actor David Johansen as the Ghost of Christmas Past, and the scene stealing Carol Kane as a toaster-wielding Ghost of Christmas Present. The backstory of a big TV production makes for a nice follow-up to the “Very Murray Christmas” special…speaking of which…

A VERY MURRAY CHRISTMAS

(2015, TV-MA, 56 minutes, NETFLIX ORIGINALS)

I reviewed this last year, so I won’t make too much of a fuss about it again. But if you didn’t watch it before, do so NOW. While Bill Murray is as charming and fun to watch as always, the biggest surprises (and laughs) come at the forty-two minute mark. You may not like Miley Cyrus, but that young lady blows every other performance of “Silent Night” you have ever heard completely out of the water. And George Clooney accompanying Murray on a vaguely dirty “Santa Claus Wants Some Lovin’” is, quite possibly, the greatest Christmas song ever recorded. Watch it, and be amazed.

Additional Comedy Selections: THE REF pits high strung thief Denis Leary against a dysfunctional family during a holiday heist gone bad; THE PRINCESS BRIDE—nothing at all to do with the holidays, but watch it with your kids if you haven’t already. Seriously. They laugh, you laugh, EVERYBODY HAS A GOOD FREAKING TIME. And some movies were made for watching with family during the holidays. This is one of the best.

Documentary

I AM SANTA CLAUS

(2014, NR—definitely an “R”, 89 minutes, DOUBLE WINDSOR FILMS)

I told you about this one last year, and I’m going to tell you about it again. Director Tommy Avallone and his crew follow several incarnations of Saint Nick year round, giving you behind-the-scenes insight into the everyday lives of these special men. There is a religious Santa, a lovelorn gay Santa, a Santa living off of social security, and other Santa’s from all walks of life. There’s even the transformation of real-life professional wrestler and author Mick Foley into Santa Claus. The film is informative, touching, and at times, downright hilarious. Ever seen a drunk Santa? Or a sexy bear Santa—at a Bear Convention, no less? This movies’ got you covered. Just keep the kids away from this one; F-bomb droppin’ Santa’s should not be witnessed by the young-un’s.

Romantic Comedy

LOVE ACTUALLY

(2003, R, 134 minutes)

This romantic charmer tells several tales of people connecting with one another, and the myriad types of love there are. Funny, refreshing, and not too corny, it is the overall scope of the stories which make this something of a Christmas must-see. That, and Liam Neeson playing a single father…heartbreaking and masterful, his performance is.

JUST FRIENDS

(2005, PG-13, 96 minutes, NEW LINE CINEMA)

Ryan Reynolds is a skinny success story; returning to his hometown for the holidays, he reconnects with the funny and ever-so-attractive Amy Smart, who last remembers him as a chubby teenager. There is a rather smarmy humor to this film, which takes liberties with the high school reunion genre and makes romance as unromantic as possible. Watch out for Anna Farris; her comedy chops are borderline brilliant here. The toothpaste scene alone is worth watching the entire film for.

Science Fiction/Action

SPECTRAL

(2016, PG-13, 107 minutes, NETFLIX/LEGENDARY ENTERTAINMENT)

Okay, once again, NOT a Christmas movie. Think of it as Netflix’s gift to you, though. Billed as “science fiction/horror”, this light-on-the-horror, heavy-on-the-action film is what every ‘Sci Fi Channel Turd of the Week’ wishes it could be: smart, entertaining, and fun. Borrowing from several other films, this movie, while occasionally retreading old themes, still feels fresh. The effects are great, the plot moves quickly, and the cast is all in. Not a bad actor in the bunch, and nobody does anything too stupid. Well, okay, a kid does, but kids are stupid anyways, am I right?!? This movie really deserves its own review, but I’m including it here because, if anything, it delivers exactly what you want: a couple hours break from the crazy holidays. Besides, Bruce Greenwood is in it. And nothing says Christmas like Bruce Greenwood… (okay, I mighta stretched for the last one…)

-- T.S. Kummelman