"SKumm’s Thoughts"
X-FILES: WEEK V
“The X Files” (FOX,
1993, 9 Seasons)
Whereas last season
started with a sputter, the fifth one starts out strong, creating the first
three-episode arc the series has seen.
You want alien conspiracy? In
your face, beotches. You also get one
of Gillian Anderson’s finest seasons to date; the woman was always a great
actress, but the depth she shows here, in 1997, is amazing. If she happens to be reading this: Gillian,
I will gladly give birth to your children for you. Seriously.
SEASON 5
Episode 1 & 2:
Redux Part I & II
Not to spoil anything,
but remember when I mentioned in the last article that MULDER’S DEAD? Yeah, I lied. In these two fast-paced episodes, the race is on to find the cure
for Scully’s cancer…really, it’s the third main character by this point, we
should have named it…okay, from here on out, we refer to Scully’s cancer as
“Bob”. The race is on to find a cure
for Bob. The Lone Gunmen are back, the
Cancer Man cries, and Scully gets her science on. Because she’s tired of Bob. (Digital Drawback: fake belly
Christmas lights)
Episode 3: Unusual
Suspects
The “birth” of the Lone
Gunmen includes a damsel in distress, a naked Fox, and the “return” of a
previously decommissioned government baddie.
(Digital Drawback: superfast dot-matrix printers)
Episode 5: The Post
Modern Prometheus
MOTW, but totally fun,
with an absorbing story and a terribly awesome ending. Shot in black and white, and taking place in
a rural town that seems caught in the fifties, this is a take on the
Frankenstein/genetic mutation genre you do not want to pass up.
Episodes 6 & 7:
Christmas Carol/Emily
A story arc resonating
from Scully’s abduction, to say too much would be giving away too many
spoilers. But there’s this kid. And she’s related to Scully. Like, related to her ovaries. And someone brings up Bob. That is all.
Episode 9: Schizogeny
Quite possibly the
worst dialogue ever written for the show, and the worst attempt to capture the
angst of teenagers. Decent story, but you
should probably avoid this MOTW. (Digital Drawback: that woman needs to
shave—like, HER ENTIRE FACE)
Episode 10: Chinga
Ah, coastal Maine. The fresh air, the fresh seafood, the evil
doll. This season had some excellent
MOTW episodes, and this possessed doll was classic. Just double-check your surroundings next time you hear “The Hokey
Pokey”…
Episode 11: Kill Switch
The Lone Gunmen meet
their dream-babe in the stunningly gorgeous Kristin Lehman; she plays a hacker
that has a computer program trying to kill her. If the episode feels familiar at times, keep in mind that this
came out over a decade before Johnny Depp’s TRANSCENDENCE movie, and actually
does a better job with the story. And,
uh, Kristin Lehman.
Episode 12: Bad Blood
(or, The One With Luke Wilson and That Kid From Sandlot)
There’s a vampire
running amok in Texas, and he looks just like that kid that uttered the classic
line, “you’re killin’ me, Smalls!”. The
charm and humor of this MOTW tale is in the he said/she said aspect, told from
differing points of view by Mulder and Scully.
Funny, tight writing, and excellent performances.
Episodes 13 & 14:
Patient X/The Red and the Black (The Ones With Veronica Cartwright)
In a season that is
very Scully-centric, the story line here is a turning point for our heroine and
her belief structure. Mass
exterminations of abductees are sweeping Russia and the U.S., and The Syndicate
shows how evil they really are. Oh, and
yeah, Alex Freakin’ Krycek. And Scully
meets a woman that has Bob. Bob’s a really
slutty bastard, isn’t he?
Episode 16: Mind’s Eye
(The One With Lilli Taylor)
Taylor gives an
outstanding performance as a blind girl with the World’s Biggest Chip on her
shoulder, who happens to get visions from the point of view of a bad, bad
man. And the final scene with her and
Mulder…touching. Not enough of that in
this show. (Not that kind of touching,
you perverts…)
Episode 17: All Souls
Revisiting the
religious aspect of the supernatural, the agents are thrust into a game of Good
vs Evil as Heaven and Hell battle over souls.
Another strong, devastating performance by Anderson, showing you
precisely why she was nominated four years in a row for her performance as
Scully in both the Emmy’s and the Golden Globes—alas, she only won once for
each award. But this episode is one of
her best.
Episode 20: The End
(The One With Mimi Rogers)
Someone is trying to
kill a ten-year-old chess master, who just happens to be psychic. This one brings back a dead man—AND Alex
Freaking Krycek. And the end of this
season is just…HORRIFYING. Once again,
it looks like The X-Files department is being shut down. Really, Chris Carter? How many times do we have to use the SAME
STINKING CLIFFHANGER… However, we also get our first glimpse of jealous
Scully. She doesn’t like Mimi
Rogers. She probably wishes that slut
Bob had gone up Mimi’s nose holes, too. (Digital Drawback: Gosh, that product
placement is sooooo subtle…)
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